I really don't feel like living - need support and to talk

Dear Jackson1

Thank you for your advice. Although I'm mostly home because I'm the primary caregiver for my mother, I do leave the house an hour or so each day for a walk or to just being outdoors. I have a couple of good friends that are very supportive and they're willing to give me all ears but I don't want to be a burden to them. I know that they have their own issues and it's just selfish of me to just think of me me... I pray when I can and also I've been making donations to charity organizations such as animal rescue ASPCA, shelterbabies, red-cross, st. joseph hospital for children, and others in need. However, I'm still sad... deep down in my heart, from the day my father passed away and the day my mother was diagnosed with cancer, I know that I will never be happy again but I guess I just need to learn to live with it. I guess we must accept our destiny and go with it.

I don't like pills because of the side effects and also my mother got her cancer due to abusing medications for her health issues. She was on a lot of pain meds and many other kinds of meds over a long period of time and that's how her cancer was developed. For those who are taking a lot meds, please do research first.

i feel so alone all the time i’m so mentally and physically tired of being here i always think about how everything would be so much easier if i wasn’t here. i find myself crying most nights because of my situation i just want everything to be okay i want a normal life, real friends and family i can count on. i just need someone to tell me things will get better and actually mean it. i’m so drained. the only thing keeping me here right now are my pets, if i go what would they do without me? i want the best life possible for them i can’t leave them just yet.

@Crootreyt4 the past two months I've felt better. My Dr changed my meds but previous to this for about six months I felt exactly how you feel. On and off all my life really and I'm almost 40. I'd stay up all night depressed and looking up ways to end it. I finally figured out how I was going to do it but with my med change I actually started to feel ok. I've always been up and down and sure I will have more down points coming up but one thing I know when my meds are right it gives me a break from that thinking and let's me live my life semi normally. I completely know how you're feeling but I promise you can feel better. Are you on meds?

Dear Meme22,

you’re very kind with a big heart to think about your pets. I don’t know how to encourage you to feel better but I wish you can find peace and love within you to continue this life journey. Just remember that no matter what, just keep living regardless. You can make small progress every day for you and your pets. I know they really appreciate you and all the things you’ve done for them. Isn’t that already a great reason to stick around.

I’ve just realized that life without my parents isn’t worth living. I’m not ashamed to say that maybe I was born into this world with a purpose of caring for my parents. I’ve never been married, well successful more than comfortable financially, very bubbling and very generous, very happy living at home with my parents. I have so much precious memories of the three of us doing things together. My dad passed away in June 2021, leaving me numb and saddened and I thought eventually I would get over it but unfortunately, my mother was diagnosed with cancer not long after. There hasn’t been a single day since that I hated living. I can’t imagine living without the people I cannot live without. I’m not being selfish I just feel that I’m no longer needed here if both my parents are gone.

@Poacho95 I understand what you're saying. I can completely relate in so many ways. I honestly feel suicide should be legal for people with severe depression but it's not. I have gotten through so much with my dog as corny as that sounds he's been my rock. It kills me to think he's getting old and won't be here. I lost my whole family pretty much I'm the 90s. I lost both my grandparents withing a little over a year. They died young. My grandma died fast within three weeks they found cancer in her so there wasn't much for goodbyes. My grandpa died a year later I think of a broken heart. These people raised me and kept me safe when it was severely bad at home. My parents would beat me in blackouts to the point I thought they were going to kill me. I understand I think your pain. You can find stuff that replicates happiness though. I find the little things. I hope you get to try a few before you decide on a final decision.

@Crootreyt4 I I feel your sadness every day, even have so much loneliness since my 2 choc labs died, they were everything to me since I have no kids, I have lupus, COPD, emphysema chronic bronchitis, spinal stenosis PAD, and now after open-heart surgery I have another blockage, I have a surgical sleeve surgery this month, hopefully, will help me rid of the 21 medications I take each day, I keep my labs alive on Facebook and labrador pages, I admire the love you have for your pets, maybe join a pet group on Facebook will help? or even a COPD group that I am in. I'm here to help u, my friend, please don't feel so all alone, reach out to one of us here that cares.

I know what loneliness feels like. Both my parents died. I was living alone with my mom. It depresses me, but I know she wouldn't like that. She would want me to be happy. She would want me involved in something. That's what you need. Do not dwell.

i feel lost and alone constantly and its only getting worse. While everybody around me seems to be growing and continuing their lives it feels as if I'm at a stand still. I just want to be able to genuinely have fun and laugh with others but I only feel like I'm hindering those around me. I don't have anything to contribute to conversation. I need to find some sort of meaning in my life, because the only thing keeping me here is the few friends and family I still have left.