Patients Behavioural disorders / Mental illness
Topic of the discussion
Posted on 9/8/20 9:30 AM
My name is Victoria. I am new to this group. I am 34 years old and I live in Florida. I am a mental health therapist. I am great at my job. My issues do not affect my performance as a therapist; I actually utilize them in an effort to connect more with my clients.
I have suffered from depression and anxiety for most of my life. I have a history of trauma as a result of growing up in a verbally and emotionally abusive household, where I witnessed my father mistreat my mother and experienced him mistreat me as well. I have always suffered from low self-esteem and was bullied in school for my weight, as well as being an easy target for being overly nice and wearing my emotions on my sleeve. I have a great support system that treats me with a lot of love and kindness, but I'm always surprised by it and overly thankful. My friends remind me that it is normal and expected for them to support me, but what I perceive as normal unfortunately is mistreatment and lack of support / validation. I have issues with co-dependency, saying no and people pleasing. I am also constantly worrying, overthinking and find it incredibly difficult - if not impossible - to completely relax.
I am an Empath, and I tend to attract two types of people: people that are very toxic and take, take, take. They are poor communicators and gifted at gaslighting and manipulation. Or I tend to attract the loving, supportive folks that want to remind me that I am not alone. I am non-confrontational and struggle with telling people how I really feel and what I really think without sugarcoating.
I have never broken up with anyone or cut anyone off, out of fear that a) I'll be abandoning someone that needs me / I have extreme empathy for the person, b) there will be hostile repercussions and c) I'm scared of the overwhelming feelings of guilt I will experience as a result.
Side note: my entire life, my family and some friends have dismissed me as being "too much." Too nice. Too sensitive. Too emotional. My sensitivity has been weaponized against me in such a way that I constantly feel inadequate as a result, even though I know rationally that my sensitivity is a large part of the reason I am excellent at my job.
Since the start of the pandemic, my medication has been increased 4 times. I am now on 200mg of Sertraline. And I still feel random, powerful waves of extreme sadness and worry. I am seeing a new therapist, so, I am being proactive about maximizing my resources - including this one now.
Thank you all for listening to me and for whatever support you're willing to show me. Thank you for allowing me to be part of this safe space.
Victoria a.k.a Vicky
Beginning of the discussion - 9/8/20Supporting one another through anxiety and mental illnesses https://www.carenity.us/forum/behavioural-disorders-mental-illness/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/seeking-support-for-depression-and-anxiety-2467
Posted on 9/8/20 3:47 PM
Thank you for sharing, I noticed we kind of lived parrelle lives. I also was subject to mental and physical abuse as a child. Sexual abused on top of that as well. I'm 36 and currently reside in Arizona. I've had my medications raised and a new med added. I still experience huge waves of uncontrollable sadness.
I have two daughters, 15 and 2 years old. They deserve a happy mom, and I've strived for them to not be affected by my depression, but it does effect them. Some days I'm able to push the negativity aside and push through with a smile, whether fake or not, on my face. Then other days I cry all day, feel un-valued and not important.
My children and I are hoping to move to CT, where I'm originally from before this winter. I'm going through a divorce, my 2 year olds father; thankfully he's been pretty supportive unlike my oldest daughters father. He doesn't listen to her wants and needs, then tries to turn it on me.
I feel stuck and controlled by her father, I've been in AZ for almost 17 years, he always fought me on taking her with me. Shes plenty old enough now to make these choices, and she wants to go. He is trying to stop her from going, but what she don't understand is why? He doesn't spend time with her, she goes to his house on the weekends and he works all weekend. So shes stuck with her controlling step mother and siblings.
I'm at a loss of what is right and what is wrong! Depression clouds my judgements and I truly feel like I've come to the point that no one wants to hear about it anymore, my feelings are dismissed and made to sound like I'm crazy. Which completely crushes me. I dont know where to turn anymore.
Posted on 9/8/20 6:13 PM
@TalkAboutIt @orangeribbon4life Hello TalkAboutIt and organeribbon4life, thank you both for creating and participating in this discussion, as well as sharing your stories. This is exactly what Carenity is for - bringing our community together to support one another! Let me tag some other members so they can join the discussion.
Hello everyone, how have you been? Let's use this space to share our experiences with anxiety and other mental health-related conditions and support one another!
So, how have you been doing lately? How do you cope with your anxiety or other mental health condition in the day-to-day? What helps you? Do you have any tips or strategies to help you manage it?
@SixPack @eli_layne @Tootsie73 @Rayofsun66 @jollyholly1967 @Scifimysterian @reeree244icloud.com @Coolahrens @Diana1969 @DemetriaDalomba @Vivalajerrica02 @lucifer567 @Dawsonk @Heidiy @BethZagola
Feel free to share here!
Posted on 9/10/20 12:40 AM
I've been waking up and telling myself today is going to be productive, great, that I'm smart and capable. So far telling myself this sometimes a few times a day. Its helping, I pray I'm able to keep it up.
Posted on 9/18/20 8:46 PM
Self talk is very important! I hope you will continue being kind to yourself!
Posted on 9/25/20 7:39 PM
Hello ! I am also new , & I feel like my life although not the same has definitely had similar situations and feelings , one thing I also need to work on is being kind to myself , I wish you nothing but happiness and just remember “ you have survived 100% of your bad days “ ❤️
Posted on 9/28/20 8:37 AM
Except for the job and the medication, are you me??? I guess I never figured that wearing your heart on your sleeve can cause that much damage, even though I’ve been doing it for 37 years 🤦♀️
Posted on 12/12/20 5:56 PM
Hello everyone one my names katie I'm 33 and I'd love to tell you a little more about myself I go threw depression and anxiety and fear all day every day last year I was beaten and almost kidnapped I know am afraid to leave home because I see him everywhere I go even at home I'm scared I won't sit near windows anything I used to be a teacher for 9 years I loved what I did it helped my depression a great deal and I lost all that when this happened its affected me tremendously not only that the rest of my childhood was horrific as well I'm afraid of men and being around them I now am on 15 different medications not just for mental health but other things last week I found out I have cancer again it's hard to even want to wake up anymore I cant have children now a heart condition and cancer it's a battle and every day I blame myself for everything that has happened I've never had any real friends and lost my family I'm sorry I'm talking so much but if anyone has experience this or knows what could help I'd love to hear it I've tried to get back in with working with at risk youth again but I have been denied and kids are what makes my life great seeing them happy and succeed that's what helps me is helping others and if anyone wants to talk I'm here happy holidays everyone
Posted on 12/15/20 9:41 PM
Stay strong and know that it is not your fault! You got this! You are cared about, I promise.
Posted on 12/17/20 8:36 PM
Hi I'm Kit ( Birdsrhea) I'm new to this forum and I've read the posts. So many similar stories and problems. I was diagnosed in 2008. I've been sick since age 9. I had great parents. My dad was a preacher and my mom a teacher. I have rapid cycling bi polar. I go thru rapid cycles of mania and depression. They were somewhat controlled until I had an adverse reaction to Trileptal. Now my mood is going downhill. My depression is resting it's ugly head. They are talking about putting me on Lithium. So much for that....I pray each of you find the right meds and therapies to help each and every one of you.