Patients Behavioural disorders / Mental illness
Topic of the discussion
Posted on 9/12/20 8:09 PM
13 years ago my older brother murdered my mother and father and tried to kill me as well, but luckily I and youngest brother survived until authorities arrived and took us away from the scene of the crime. But it took the authorities several days to get there because I stayed near my parents bodies until one of our neighbors called them.
My brother and I ran off from the authorities in fear of what they would do to us, so we lived on the streets and metros for the next 8 years until we both joined the military. But joining the military was my biggest mistake in my life because my little brother died due to my choices in life.
One day my brother and I were on a scouting mission to check for survivors of a previous engagement, but as we went he saw something sticking outside of the ground, so he went to investigate it. As he walked near it he accidentally stepped on it and blew up, if I had realized that we were in a minefield I would've sent him back to base and gone on myself.
He barely survived the explosion but barely. He lost three of his limbs and his face and skull were deformed to the point to where he couldn't survive for long, so I put him down out of mercy.
It haunts me, I wake every morning and consider suicide. I have resorted to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain. I wish I were the dead one and not him.
I need to talk to someone about it and maybe help me somehow forget about everything or to at least district myself from it and move on.
Beginning of the discussion - 9/14/20How do I deal with past trauma? https://www.carenity.us/forum/behavioural-disorders-mental-illness/living-with-behavioural-disorders-mental-illne/how-do-i-deal-with-my-familys-death-2493
Posted on 9/14/20 6:07 PM
@Dima38 Hello Dima38, thank you for opening this discussion and bravely sharing your story with us. I'm sorry to hear you've been through all of that, it must have been very traumatic losing your family. Please know that the community is here to support you and that you are not alone. Let me tag some other members who may be able to share their experiences with trauma and how they cope with it.
Hello everyone, how are you doing? How do you process your past traumas and any profound loss that you've experienced? Do you have any words of support or advice to share with @Dima38?
@Happy77 @baldwinginger206 @Petunia64 @Sarafromhell @Bunnykay @Coolahrens @Diana1969 @DemetriaDalomba @Caitie19 @Catyrose2001 @SavannahLee @kristy @tkoden0001 @Flowerz @autumnrw921
Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences here, we're all here to support and help one another!
Posted on 9/14/20 10:18 PM
Hello. This is my first time on a site discussing this. My days are off and on. Everyday I’ll have a flashback of something. Sometimes I can brush it off and other days are a struggle. Today has been manageable for me. I have a family so I really do my best at staying in tune with what is going on.
Posted on 9/18/20 4:30 PM
I’m sorry for the trauma in your life. I can’t say I understand, because I can’t imagine. But if you need a friend to talk I can be there for you.
I don’t have much family myself. A mom that has mental issues, but she is alive. And I have kids that are grown. I can’t lay my depression burdens on them.
so I am very much alone too.
we can do this. One more day. One more week. And it will get easier
Posted on 9/19/20 5:09 PM
Posted on 9/22/20 6:30 AM
Hi there, this is my first time in a discussion. I am always having obsessing thoughts of the worst-case scenario. I am tired of living this way. My fiance left me for another woman who is much younger and I have a 6 yr old that is heart boken and misses him terrible. The 6 yrs prior was spent with someone doing meth behind my bcak and I have been in school during all this. I do not want to live this way anymore.
Posted on 9/23/20 7:48 PM
@eclipse13 your fiance was doing meth. I'm so sorry
Posted on 10/6/20 9:16 PM
My heart goes out to you my friend. I was abused as a child and it took many years of therapy to come to the place I am in now. I know it's hard to believe it will get better. But, trust me it can. I am living proof. You can always talk with me. I am a great listener. I care about you. Don't worry about getting to tomorrow. Focus on getting through the next five minutes. Baby steps... One day at a time.
Posted on 8/26/21 7:13 PM
Hi. This is my first time on here. I don't exactly know what to do, so I'll just tell you my traumas and ask for help.
My father liked his belts. He caused my mom to have a mental breakdown, and she almost killed me that day. I didn't know what she did to him until a few years ago. She took the beatings so me and my brother wouldn't have to go through it. When she left, it turned towards us. Then my dad met a girl, and it got worse. She stood over his shoulder smiling while I was screaming for help. Just smiling like she was enjoying what my father put us through. I confronted her a few weeks ago. She said that it wasn't her job to help me and my brother. She wasn't my mother, why would she help someone like me? She boiled it down to "I'm not your blood, saving you wasn't my job. That's your mother's job. Oh, but she wasn't there for you".
I'm an epileptic. The doctors think that that was because of my father. My last night with my father, I had cut my hair because I wanted to be beautiful like her. So, I tried to give myself bangs. An 11 year old is a horrible hairdresser. My dad saw what I did, and flipped. I ran. There were no locks on my doors, so I unsuccessfully hid. I was curled in the corner of my closet when he came in. He picked me up by my jaw, and rammed my head into the wall. I had never been more scared in my life. That was when I looked him in his eyes and showed him the fear he gave me. He let go of me, and I fell down the wall and onto the floor.
My dad's girlfriend was a clean freak, and it's hard to be around clean places. Vacuumed and mopped and swept once a day. I wasn't allowed to have any pictures on my walls. It was plain, and blue and no colours. Now, I'm a painter. And I draw. Surround myself with colours. But I have a really hard time with cleaning, I can't keep anything clean besides my paintbrushes and my colouring area and my writing area.
I can't do loud noises. I'm not very good with people. Yelling is something that I still can't handle. Fast movements also scare me.
I'm in a good relationship with someone who has been very patient with me, but I want to get better. I don't want to live in a mess, I don't want to be afraid of everything. I just want to be better. But it's hard.
Posted on 11/13/21 11:54 AM
Iam very sorry this happened iam here to listen