Patients Behavioural disorders / Mental illness
Feeling emotionally numb: How do you cope?
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Hello everyone, I’m new here as of 2 hours ago.
I’ve battled with depression and anxiety for the majority of 5 years.
It started while I was pregnant and blew up due to a complicated delivery and issues after. This isn’t where I started but it’s when I went numb.
my depression started back when I was younger, teenage years was hard on me. My older sister was (and still is) an addict and there was always something going on with her. It wasn’t my parents fault.
Since then, I have moved states, taken in her 4 children because they was taken by the state. I have 3 kids of my own.
my dad was recently diagnosed with a terminal illness and I am the only help with my parents. I have an older brother but he lives over 9 hours away.
My dad was admitted into the hospital and I quit my job of 7 years to stay with him. He almost died twice. But thankful he is home and has leveled out for the time being.
I have now been unemployed for almost a month because of an irrational emotional decision I made.
I have failed my family by doing this. I should have stuck it out. But I had this burning fire inside me that I was doing the right thing in the moment.
my husband is now the only income we have, we get no assistance from the state of child support for the parents. Life has been more then tough.
I try to talk to my husband but I do not think he understands. It’s almost like he listens but only because I’m talking, not to understand.
I am numb. I feel nothing anymore. I have been in my bed for almost a month other then small trips to my parents or to take the kids somewhere.
Nobody would ever know how I feel. I do have one close friend but she isn’t close to me to see her in person.
I am going back to work this coming week, but I am so scared that the way I am right now will effect my job performance. I have to get out of the house. I can’t do this much longer.
Stay strong for the kids I know it’s hard putting your life on hold but keep faith god wouldn’t put us in a situation we couldn’t handle or learn from … I’ve been threw a lot it’s been hard but always managed to keep pushing forward
@Tbailey218 I’ve too made decisions in my life that seems good in the moment but were entirely wrong and now create much regret in my life. you are not alone. you are strong especially for your kiddos, going back to work will hopefully help bring more routine and stability in your life. we are here keep fighting and stay strong. start small and go from there.
Hello, I'm new to this so been reading and feel your pain. I'm 43 twice divorced. The first was mostly my fault. I was an alcohic and drug user. I have 5 wonder kids with her and was sober for 9 years. Even went through that divorce sober. Found God and happiness after the divorce. Then reconnected with an old flame and remarried. She had 4 kids and I felt proud to be there father as well as to my 5. It got hard. The stress and financial problems. No matter how hard I worked or tried to balance life it was never enough. I was emotional abused as I'm sure I did the same. I had a pandoras box of emotions and past trauma buried inside and never talked about. Then I ended up donating a kidney and something changed in me depression set in and continuely got worse and during all this changing jobs for validation and going through a rough marriage. I snapped and got drunk. Real drunk and opened that box.
It's been dark. In therapy and doing emdr therapy. On meds and trying to find god again. Put close to 60 cuts on my arms just feel. Trying to get in doc to try new meds.. alone as wife and I are divorced my kids are only aloud on here on weekends now which is probably good right now for them and me. Life has just spiraled and the shame I feel is relentless. Thoughs of not good enough, undeserving, useless, failure. Each day waking up and feeling like I have to live in the hell inside my head again.
Some days are better then others but still can't shake the feelings. I work hard, I am a good father, I'd like to think I was a husband as far as husband's go. Biggest problem is years of not being enough for everyone or anyone. It has gotten much worse after the donation of kidney which I'm trying to work that out with docs and meds. Pretty sad I feel like saving another life has cost me mine.
All I know right now is I'm here typing. I will eat dinner and shower and that will just have to be good enough for today.
Thanks for reading.
I hear your struggle. I got stuck taking care of everyone else in my family except me. I'm on the back burner just waiting for the day I can actually work on myself. The most important person I should be taking care of. I've become numb to everything around me more often than I care to admit.
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