How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?

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Patients Autism Spectrum Disorder

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Posted on

So right now I'm so close to falling apart. I have a 27 yr old son who is bipolar, and 8 months ago he moved back in with me. He lays on my couch playing video games and watching YouTube videos while I work and pay the bills. I have a very serious, progressively fatal lung disease that I survive with on a daily basis. I say survive because I'm not living anymore. I have zero social life and I'm exhausted all the time. I need to get him some help but he refused. I can't push him because he becomes suicidal. This is killing me, on so many levels. Does anyone have any ideas that might help me to help him. I don't know how much longer I can keep this up.

Beginning of the discussion - 8/30/20

How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?
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Posted on

@Calikan  I'm so sorry your going through this, I also have a daughter with bipolar and she is 30 with a 9 year old son. They both live with me and her moods swing so quickly it gets hard to handle sometimes. She has a job, however, it isn't paying much so she is struggling with bills. When I mention getting a different or additional job well she flips out and becomes satan. She won't get help because she doesn't want anything documented on paper for her issues. I feel your pain.  Her parenting and mine creates quite the head banging and it's exhausting. My husband ( whom is not her biological father ) has also hit is wits end so it's super tense and uneasy on the daily. 

I am not helping you am I? I guess I can hopefully comfort you in knowing you aren't alone? They have to want to get help and they become comfortable in their ways and as the grow older isn't going to get easier. Maybe give him a time frame to find a job or get out? Explain you can't do this all on your own and am really reaching out to him not only because of your health but because you are concerned for his well being. I wonder if there are therapists that will come to the home? Maybe that would be a good start for him. 

How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?

Posted on

Thank you I appreciate the advice and I'm sorry for what you are also going through.

It's very difficult because it's the fifth time I've dealt with this with him and he just doesn't see it. I also have a daughter who is married with a family of her own, which I understand, but I wish she would help me. 

I've already had lung surgery to remove 3/4 of my right lung and my left only has 60% capacity remaining. On top of that I have to have surgery on my heart to remove a tumor that has made a home in the lower left chamber. 

I work 16hr days and with him back home and me paying for everything I have been putting in 20+ hours of overtime weekly. 

I am so worried about him because he isn't stable enough to be alone but If I don't have the surgery I might not be around for much longer. My doctor said the next attack could kill me. 

I'm at a breaking point and I'm starting to fall. I and he need help. ☹️

How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?

Posted on

@Calikan Wow, I'm so sorry too that you're going through all of that. It's so hard seeing someone you love not be able to see that they need help or to not want it, especially when you're battling with your own life and troubles at the same time. Do you think you can sit down with her daughter and explain what you're going through and ask her for a bit of support? Or do you think maybe he'd be willing to do online therapy? There are a few affordable online sites now where you can talk to someone from home, maybe he'd be more open to that? But I do agree, for your own sake and health and well-being, he needs to understand clearly what you're going through mentally, physically, and also financially. Sending you positive thoughts and I hope you can get him some help!

How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?

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Thank you so much for the kind words and prayers, I appreciate it.

How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?

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@Calikan I will say a prayer for you!!! I literally just did! Your health is at risk and you need to take care of you.  My daughter had a melt down today because she is sick of living out of trash bags and not having her own place, in the meantime she lay in bed watching tic toc and not looking for another job, or trying to figure out what kind of assistance she can get as a single mother. I am also remote learning her son and working my full time job, with no complaints. I just keep telling myself, this has to be temporary and whatever positive I can give my grandson until she moves out and does it all on her own, the better off he will be. Sucks saying that and hurts feeling these ways.  

I like the advice that the other person gave you about possibly an online help therapy option. He may be into that if he is not wanting to leave the home. 

He isn't going to know what to do on his own while you are recovering from surgery ( assuming you will be in the hospital a lil bit with such a delicate surgery ) 

Godspeed my friend, keep on keeping on. :) 

How can I help a loved one with bipolar disorder who doesn't want to be helped?

Posted on
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, I definitely know that feeling. He remains on the couch, not moving, not trying to get work. His depression has him sleeping for more than 15 hrs a day. I have been discussing the situation with my family back in New York and they feel I should consider having him committed to a clinic. I'm struggling with that because I know how he would perceive it and I don't know if it would cause another downward spiral. Dealing with someone with mental health issues is literally like walking on eggshells. I have been alone in this so long that I think I am also struggling with the idea that he won't be here for me to take care of anymore and "I" will then have to face my own personal health issues. I know that my disease has progressed to a new and dangerous level but having my son's issues to deal with has forced me to put my health on the back burner. I have to postpone my surgery until I figure out what I need to do to get help for him. I would never be able to forgive myself if I went ahead with the surgery and my son being alone caused him to harm himself or worse. So for now, I shall keep pushing forward and try to do what's best for him. Thanks again for the prayers and support and I shall also be praying that your situation finds a way to work itself out with a solution that is best for everyone 😊 Warm wishes...