Patients Behavioural disorders / Mental illness
How to recover from the pain of trauma?
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When I was 14 I was sexual assaulted by my boyfriend of the time. Even though it was a few years ago the memories still haunt me. The worst part of it is that he completely got away with it. I told my teachers and my mom, but everyone just blew it off saying he was just a stupid teenager who made a mistake and I should forgive him. It wasn’t just a one time mistake. He was mentally abusive and assaulted over the course of 3 months. When I told my school they did nothing to punish him, but made me feel like I had done something wrong, and treated me like a slut and made me feel ashamed of myself for not stopping him. I wanted to stop him, but I was too scared of him to do so.
I don’t know what to do about the constant pain I’m in about this, and really need some advice/help.
Hello @Walrus, thank you for opening this discussion and sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear you went through that and weren't taken seriously - sexual assault and emotional and physical abuse is incredibly traumatizing and scary. We have a significant way to go as a society in supporting people who are victims of trauma and abuse and making them feel safe, heard, and supported.
Let me tag some other members who can possibly share their thoughts and advice with you.
For those of you who are dealing with and processing past trauma, can you share some advice? How do you work through trauma? Do you talk to a therapist, psychologist, or another mental health professional? Do you have any techniques or things that help you to work through it?
@mjeanlp74 @Chelsmarie89 @Hawkec @NayCee @ksmcv1968101 @skye2021 @Meindore4121 @Sadmom @Rednsazzie @WiltedRose19 @Jadav13 @AngelEyes57 @Kimberlyw @Liliʻuokalani @ohitsnoenoe @Karatebarb @Jesse'sGirl
Please don't hesitate to share your stories, advice and support here - we're all here to support one another!
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
The book (1998) " The Courage to Heal" was of great help to me. Check Alibris and it's readily found for less than $6 including shipping.
The thing that has helped me the most is therapy. Find one that you are comfortable with and go as often and as regularly as possible. I was going weekly, but am down to bi-weekly. I've been in therapy for about 5 years and it has helped. But I also take meds and underwent TMS. Surround yourself with the best possible support team. I hope you find peace.
I grew up with a narcissistic parent and another who retreated by being unavailable litterally working hours opposite of other parent.
I was at tge mercy of a narcissist, left in their care. On the outside they seem wonderful to everyone else. No one ever picked up on it and as a child I never knew this wasn't normal. At 14 I made my second suicide attempt and was sent to the hospital for 30 days. My parents came off as normal and the staff started treating me according to what my parents described. Uncooperative, Lazy, attention seeking. Yes I will admit to the last one.
When o returned home I was told I was an embarrassment, called a whole, and told I would amount to nothing in life. These are the litteral words used.
When you are controlled at home, cannot see friends, cannot go anywhere, punished for a month for not emptying a dishwasher, you feel alone and not wanted. As an only child there was no disappearing from my parents view as a target for blame for everything wrong in their relationship and in life. After discharge from gispital, my parents used " tough love" as a means to get even worse. My room was stripped of all but a pillow and blanket. Cloths and everything. Doors were taken off hinges so I had no privacy. During waking hours I was restricted to down stairs family room area. Bathroom had only a towel, shampoo, tooth brush, tooth paste and a comb. I was told by law it was all they were required to give me.
My parents took me to the store and while there left me at the market to walk three miles home. I live in AZ and Temps were over 110 degrees in the summer on most days.
When I became too much trouble to deal with my parents discarded me a few times on relatives, one time with a family I didn't even know but after a weekend there I didn't want to go back home. Then finally boarding school. Boarding School was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Result: As a adult I had no self esteem. I married a narcissist, was a mother at 19. Divorced and remarried an alcoholic. He has since stopped thank God. I always feel that I am never enough. That has resulted in a a need to achieve multiple masters degrees and an obsession with top grades despite already having a great career. I hold hatred towards the worst parent and resent the other. I still have to deal with the one I don't like due to them needing help as they age.
My personality is rather stoic, I don't attach to much and expect most people to be temporary in my life. I test most people, pushing them away to see if they will leave.
I don't trust many people and I always read between the line. I know what most people will do before they do it. I have bipolar disorder, social anxiety and PTSD.
Long way from recovery.
My abuse started the day I was born.My own GMA told my mom that I was ugly because of my port vine stain on my face.At age 4 GMA had me wearing makeup to cover the stain.Started school the kids made fun of me constantly.I was poor so we didn't have fancy things.My dad was a drunk which really didn't effect me he was a closet drunk.At age 5-8 I was molested by a teenage boy that was 6 yrs older,he was my dad's drinking buddies step son.Found out as an adult the guy had molested multiple kids.Tried to tell my mom when I was an adult she called me a liar and wanted me to confront the guy's sister.Even day of school I was tortured by other students words.Several yrs later got married at 18, moved in with him at 17 to a guy I only knew 3 months after living with him a couple months he started being abusive to me physically and sexually.I of course lied and said "I fail or something like that to hide the abuse.I started we married a yr later.Got pregnant within days of being married.He hit me,withheld food,etc when I was pregnant.Baby was born fine Thank the Lord.He was abusive to my son.Got pregnant less than a yr later had a daughter she was his princess.Than 2 yrs later we had an oops baby she was born tiny and sick however he hit me and sexually abused me because he didn't want her.He choked me in front of my dad 4 yrs later.I left him for 3 days than I dropped the restraining order and went back with the kids.Finally after 16 yrs of marriage abuse,etc.I kicked him out because I caught him in bed with my supposed best friend.He didn't want anything to with our kids even.I got with a guy who used to be my friend but he was a narcissistic and was with me just to control me.We split up and he started dating my 18 yr old daughter now I have a 3 yr old grand that is used as a weapon.Do not like him but love my grand.He is a trigger but to be around my grand I have to be around him.
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