Patients Behavioural disorders / Mental illness
Bipolar disorder and failing relationships
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I am always depressed (atleast 5 days a week) and I have been in a new relationship that is long distance and I haven’t met my partner yet due to covid, at first my partner had so much time for me and he made me really happy but now my partner is always busy (or so they claim) they are going through things of their own but he is always around his friends and people that care about him everyday because they live a few feet away from him and he’s always throwing small and fun gatherings with his friends where he smiles, drinks, and enjoys himself while I’m over here feeling alone, depressed and neglected.
I addressed this to him that he doesn’t have time for me anymore but he swore to me that he was going to make more time for me (which he has failed to do) I call him during the day time around 12-9 pm but the internet connection is always bad since we are far away from each other, and he always says that he will call me right back but then I wait 2-5 hours and he never does call back on time until 4+ hours later... instead, he calls me early in the mornings around 12-6 am after his friends have left his house because he knows that I’m always up during that time because my mind is always running and I feel most depressed during the night/early morning where I’m lost in thought and have insomnia...
I can’t help but feel like he is a selfish man for putting me last... he hangs out with his friends everyday (LITERALLY! Every single day) and they always have gatherings at his place every 3 days ... but we are miles away from each other and our relationship is being affected because it seems like he always chooses his friends over me, but then he calls me whenever it’s convenient for him (which is when I’m up trying to force myself to go to sleep but I love talking to him so then I always sacrifice my sleep time for him) ... I typically used to answer his calls and talk to him for 40 minutes- 2 hours max, before he tells me that he’s tired and needs to go to bed... this happens everyday and then the cycle repeats the next day.
So now i feel like my bipolar disorder or antisocial disorder has kicked in and I have now started to ignore his calls and I want to disassociate myself with him and a lot of people (and I do not care how they feel about it either because it didn’t seem like they cared when they abandoned me) ... because in my mind, he is taking me for granted and not prioritizing me even though he knows I’m going through a lot emotionally ... which then causes me to put my phone on do not disturb or I watch his call ring, so that he can’t reach me whenever he feels like it... which then means that we only talk for 20 minutes a day because I feel used and insignificant in his life because he always calls me in that small timeframe where he is tired, which is early in the morning when I’m supposed to be sleeping. I feel like he entertains his friends, and then he talks to some of his other friends on the phone for hours before he winds down and talks to me for 20 minutes, he is literally giving me his minimum spare time, and this has been happening for 2 months EVERYDAY now and I’m losing it.
i keep getting angry and imagining scenarios where I ignore him forever or where I act irrationally and avoid him until he leaves me alone or where I break up with him or randomly block him and leave his life without any explanation ... because why stay in a long distance relationship if you can’t communicate with me? If he’s too busy for me he should’ve let me known this before we started dating... And quality time is my love language and he’s not giving me any of his time which then activates my self destructive mode, because I have been explaining myself for a while and nothing has changed. I don’t know if that is my self destructive trait coming out but I’m at a point where I can abandon any relationship as if they mean nothing to me (even though he means a lot to me)... what should I do? I’m tired of talking to him about his lack of focus on our relationship so then I now ignore his calls and call him back whenever I feel like it to show him how it feels, my mind is all over the place.
@Berrymary Hello Berrymary, thank you for opening this discussion and sharing what you're going through. I'm sorry to hear you don't feel like you're a priority to your partner. Communication in a relationship can be hard, especially when you're long distance. Let me tag some other members so they can share their perspectives and advice with you.
Hello everyone, how are you doing? What do you think about Berrymary's situation? Do you feel like your bipolar disorder can affect how you handle your relationships? Have you ever felt like you weren't made a priority in your relationships? Do you have any words of advice or support for Berrymary?
@Briarrt @Mancillas14 @Mallbone58 @Serenity @Confusedandscared @Jtgirl7706 @Slinville720 @Pink25 @katlyn_lulu @hope2005 @Lizzie12 @Myma1956 @Lily0826 @Buck58 @Happypoet43 @bellapuppy
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
I’m in this same situation. I started dating my boyfriend after I told him everything that I have going on and things that are affecting me. He told me that he’s going to support me all the way through.........then he realized that it’s a lot harder than he thought. He told me that I’m too much to handle sometimes and that my mental health is affecting his because he feels like he needs to constantly be my support. It really hurts when he says these things. I am in the process of going to counseling and spending some time alone due to me needing to cope with some things on my own. He told me he needs to focus more on his life right now. We are still together but he just needed a break. If this helped anything I’m glad. You will get through this!
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