I hate that I have to feel this way

I’m so tired of feeling scared and guilty all the time for no reason. Everyday I wake up feeling scared and even shaking. I tried to make myself sleep but my mind won’t let me. I just want to feel normal again! It makes me want to go back to self medicating with norco off the street because at least then I was functioning and happy. I didn’t have fear about the day or the future. I think so far in the future it makes me sick to my stomach. I can’t eat. Only got out of bed to take my son to school and I’m having my parents pick him up. I hate myself! I hate that I have to feel this way everyday now for 3 months! My meds obviously aren’t working and I’m tired of starting over and trying more and more. I’m ready to give up. I’m a useless, worthless person taking up space on this earth. I wish I was never born!