I don't know how to live without anxiety

I think it's reasonable, your brain has most likely just adapted to dealing with anxiety. Whether you realized it at the time or not, your schedule and practices were probably fitted to better deal with your anxiety. As things get easier, you'll adjust to that too. But no, it's not weird! ;)

That’s so normal.  If I’m putting this correctly…, our endorphins get use to being feed by our mental illness that, when our highs and lows become more like normal…., our endorphins have to learn to live without the highs and lows.  Does that make sense?

All it took was hearing my ex narcissists voice on the phone and I’m literally began missing him.  I wish I could make myself move on, but I don’t think I’ll ever do it.