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Patients Multiple sclerosis

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1

Member Carenity
Posted on

My wife and I have been married over 30 years. A couple of years ago she was diagnosed with MS and has, what they called, innumerable lesions on her brain. I have been watching her decline over the last couple of years, it’s been somewhat rapid and it brings tears to my eyes sometimes, which I hide from her. I have pretty much cared for her, looked out for her and just tried to do my best to make sure she is ok. We have had financial issues for awhile, I have done my best to carry that burden and not expose her to unnecessary stress. About 2 years ago the finances started becoming overwhelming. I ended up taking a few loans out over the coarse of 18 months, i did not tell her about these loans. These are high interest loans and the payments began to become too much. As much as I tried I couldn’t get things under control. As the holidays began to approach and stress levels, for me, began to run high, she noticed I was stressed out and asked what was wrong. I explained we had some financial issues but I was working on them. This upset her, as I didn’t want to happen, but I was working some side jobs and keeping things under control as best I could. I did not come clean about the loans. She told me she realized I was under a lot of stress and was beating myself up and she said she didn’t want to add to my stress. About 2 weeks after this she was looking at our bank records and asked me about some payments. I came clean I told her about the loans and what I had done and why I had kept it from her. Keep in mind that I do side work and have money coming in that will eventually cover this debt that I have incurred, it’s just going to take time. It was like flipping a light switch, she was immediately furious and crying and moved upstairs to one of the spare rooms. She says I betrayed her trust and she wants a divorce like yesterday. She’s leaving to live with relatives in a week. I am heartbroken. I am worried about her well being. I am depressed and saddened that I may have ruined our marriage. I’m wondering if her sudden shift has anything to do with her MS and innumerable lesions.... I am aware that what I did was deceitful and she has every right to be angry but I feel that my actions weren’t malicious in any way and I was trying to carry the load of running the house, paying the bills, being sole provider and protecting her. I am very curious if any of her response could be related to her MS. I am also interested in outside opinions on the situation. So please give input if you would like. No need to be cruel or bash me if you feel I am at fault here, just let me k ow your thoughts on the situation. Thank you

Beginning of the discussion - 1/9/20

Wife with MS drastic personality change
2

Member Carenity
Posted on

I think she is being selfish and I have had me for 61 years and my husband did not do that to me she don't deserve you

Wife with MS drastic personality change
1

Member Carenity • Community manager
Posted on

@Hidden username Hello,

Thanks for your comment. I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult time and I hope you're doing better today.

A question for caretakers or members living with MS, have you or the person you're caring for experienced personality changes or anger issues that you think are due to MS?

Take care,

Lee

Wife with MS drastic personality change
3

Member Carenity
Posted on

This story sounds identically to what my step father goes through caring for my mom. It breaks my heart. Because her depression does make her very nervous all of the time. She's my mother so I forgive her lashing out but for her primary caregiver, my step father, it takes a toll on him. My mom cant see or walk anymore. She has no use of one arm, all she has is her voice so being listened to is the only thing that calms her. Im praying for you