Patients Multiple sclerosis
Topic of the discussion
Posted on 12/27/19 5:39 AM
Im ((57) not sure how to react anymore. My wife (44) blames her MS on me and has told me she “HATES “ me. I do everything I can to help make her life better and not only do I not get any appreciation or acknowledgement which is hard to put up with after awhile but she always tells the family that she is in constant pain and know one understands how bad it is but she can be sitting there and “snap” and start yelling at everyone and tops it off by saying it was better when she left it, like a clean kitchen for example, which is untrue. She hasn’t done it herself for months. She can say bad things to everyone but if you reply, even if you are correct she will hold that against you forgetting she just said horrible things to you.
ultimately, what does the long term look like? Will I be badgered by her our entire life together unable to reply knowing it will only make it worse? Will her hate ever change to a positive emotion?
she tells me she wants a divorce but I know that know one will help her and our family better than me.
Beginning of the discussion - 12/28/19I’m the spouse and I don’t know what to do... https://www.carenity.us/forum/multiple-sclerosis/living-with-multiple-sclerosis/im-the-spouse-and-i-dont-know-what-to-do-1401
Posted on 12/28/19 4:31 PM
I may be just 21 and no love expert but coming from a fellow woman in constant pain, my husband practices patience and just bares with me. He holds my hand, lets me talk, asks me about what when where and how I feel looks me in my eyes when i speak and expresses that he not only understands how frustrating it can be to go through this but he reassures me he is beside me in this awful time even if and when I am being totally ridiculous. He gave me some time pretty much "killing me with kindness" until I was unable to treat him so unfairly.. we are fairly happy and I no longer or try not to take out all these emotions on him and just appreciate his presence while I'm hurting. Love, patience, understanding, support, reassurance and also reminding her that you are also human with feelings and she hurts them when pushing you out are all things that will heal your strained marriage and its all a work in progress but you will get to a much much better place I can promise you that. I am one stubborn, cranky, tired, depressed and passive aggressive woman. If this all works on me I believe your wife also when given those things with time will get better emotionally unfortunately this is just all part of the journey. I hope you and wife see better days soon ! God bless.
Posted on 2/4/20 4:42 PM
@XTrucker I know that sometimes the pain gets so bad that I lash out and say mean things even when I don't mean it. And the loss of independence makes me so sad and angry. I know it's wrong but sometimes it's too strong for me. Does anyone know how to stop this? Should I go see a counselor?
Posted on 2/12/20 6:35 PM
Counselling could help sometimes I force myself to close my mouth when ready to lash out.. I will quickly stop myself in my tracks, ask if he deserves being treated that way.. I take a deep breath in, let it out and turn the lash out into an explanation. For example if hes being pushy, demanding, not understanding I'd say spmething like; "i dont expect you to understand, just take it easy on me. I'm trying"
Posted on 4/20/20 6:03 PM
@Katelynn21 Thank you for the advice, I made an appointment after but it got cancelled with the coronavirus stuff. We're trying to see if we can get do it over skype or the phone, but that's kind of hard to set up as a first consultation. I've also tried taking a deep breath as you said you do and that does help too. At least it gives me a second to reset and think about what I'm about to say. I think that's what I struggle with, is the frustration that no one understands. Thanks again.