Topic of the discussion
Posted on 11/29/19 11:40 AM
My partner is HIV-positive. He got the disease through unwise decisions in his past, but has since turned his life around and is healthy and happy. We've been together for 2 years. But, recently a family member found out about his status and told my parents and it's caused a real mess. My family is pretty religious and some of my relatives say I should leave him or that being with him is dangerous for my health.
Has anyone else dealt with people trying to shame you because you're with an HIV poz person or if you are poz? I can't understand all the hysteria this has caused. People on treatment don't die anyone (except very rare exceptions) and my partner is undetectable and we protect ourselves.
This whole situation is just so depressing. Any advice?
Beginning of the discussion - 12/2/19HIV and stigma https://www.carenity.us/forum/hivaids/living-with-hivaids/hiv-and-stigma-1341
Posted on 12/2/19 7:52 AM
I can understand their fear I am pos 28 years and I would be concerned for my daughter. I hope you are in volved with his healthcare and visual see whole blood work results.
Now on the other hand. I as a hiv pos person have a spouse who is negative. We are careful but I am undetectable and viral load of 1298. I also share my blood work with him. He doesnt ask but it's the rite thing to do.
Please be patient with your family and be sure to protect yourself
Posted on 12/6/19 2:48 AM
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Posted on 12/15/19 8:29 AM
@susanbant like someone else said, try to be patient with your family. However, the BEST thing that you can do for them, is to Educate them! and then once they understand that he is going to be okay, and that you will be okay, and that you understand what to do to protect yourself, and that you DO protect yourself, and also, that he loves you too much to risk your life and safety, they will eventually understand. Your family wants you to be happy, more than anything, and they are afraid of the unknown.
the Only people who are afraid of the disease, are the people who dont understand it, and are unknowledgeable. so take the time to teach them. so many people have HIV/AIDS now days, that, almost everyone, has someone, in their lives, who lives w the disease, whether they know it yet, or not. maybe ask to have a family meeting w ur folks, (just you, at first), take them plenty of information, and try to avoid the scare propaganda, that adds to their fears. im happy to help you find real-life info, if you need help. im 32+ years positive, and about 25-27 years full blown, so i have real life info im happy to share. (you can see my profile?). my husband too, is negative, and we have been together for 10 years now, and just to make sure no accidents happen we dont know about, from time to time, i buy test kits, and demand he take them. (idk if 'demand' is a good way to say it, because he is happy to do it, for my own peace of mind, if nothing else).
try not to worry about the situation w ur folks too much, and cause you stress. thats not good for anyone. maybe it will ease their minds, if you tell them that you will periodically take a test, just to make sure all is well, and ur happy to share your results with them.
i wish you all the best, and if there is anything i can do to help, please dont be too bashful to ask, im happy to help. peace~
Posted on 12/19/19 5:05 PM
@terrilynn Thanks so much for this answer. It's true that the level of ignorance about HIV is shocking, especially considering it's been almost 40 years since this illness first appeared. Do you have a specific way of introducing the topic? I find it hard to bring it up.
Posted on 12/21/19 7:45 AM
@susanbant I'm sorry you're having trouble with your family. I live in the bible belt (Dallas) and I have learned that I simply have to tune out the ignorance that daily surrounds me. My advice to you is don't let other people's narrow mindedness limit your happiness. If your partner makes you happy then double down on that. If the people in question who are giving you grief refuse to get with times then do as Jesus said to do and after knocking once with no answer, turn away and don't let the dust settle on your feet. Hope things get better.
Posted on 12/24/19 9:56 AM
i think i would begin with showing them data, explaining that HIV is a livable issue. people w HIV have just as much of a chance of living a full life, have babies, etc.. as the next person. and make sure they understand that you love yourself, and your partner loves you, too much to take risks. and go from there. but they are just worried, and concerned for you, so try to keep in mind that they only have your best interest at heart. im sure they would rather work to accept your decision, than be forced to live without you in their lives. best of luck to you!
Posted on 12/27/19 11:52 PM
You are a grown up & this is your life. You could've denied it because the truth this is only you and your mate personal business but since you didn't now you're worried about what your parents and other family members thinks. If you really felt like you're educated and family is ignorant about it then don't concern yourself. Family members and friends are always going to try and insert they're belief on how you should be living. You have to be strong enough emotionally to block that out but this comes with maturity. Maybe go get counseling too handle why do you care so much about what others think and why you're not focused on the love/bond in your relationship. Opinions are like buttholes we all have them. Good luck
Posted on 12/28/19 1:27 AM
@lifeisinteresting That's exactly what I feel about this situation as well. If you love somebody and your ok with whatever, then it doesn't matter what anyone else has to say. They only have opinions, that's it..
Posted on 12/28/19 1:38 AM
@Bettethanbefore Yes, we as people living with this disease have enough to worry about and then we take on other people's issues, smh. It's unneccessary. We have to focus on our well being and happiness. Life too short.