Topic of the discussion
Posted on 6/19/20 2:20 PM
I started dating a guy about 3 months ago .. it took me several weeks to tell him him about my status, he went to his sister to vent about it. I get that he needed someone to talk to, but am I wrong for still feeling like at least he could had, asked me first, maybe even talked to me about it? I feel betrayed. Though I understood why he did it it doesn't make me feel any better. Now if we go to family events I feel paranoid never knowing what his sisters thinking, she has never treated me like an outcast but never the less it's still uncomfortable. Even though he wasnt being malicious I just feel like that messed us up before we even got started...am I wrong for feeling this way?
Beginning of the discussion - 6/19/20What to do when someone "outs" your HIV status? https://www.carenity.us/forum/hivaids/living-with-hivaids/help-2073
Posted on 6/19/20 5:21 PM
@Sweety18 Hi Sweety18, thank you for opening this discussion. I'm sorry you feel betrayed by someone so important to you. Choosing who you tell about your status should be your personal decision. Let me tag some other members who can maybe share their stories with you.
Hello everyone, how are you doing? Have you ever been "outed" by someone about your HIV status, either by accident or intentionally? How did you react? Did you relationships change with friends and family following it? Feel free to share your stories and advice here!
@gabrielle28 @richard48912 @PeerJanice @Belto64 @Beebud1 @Fightingthefight91 @susanbant @Kaikun @terrilynn @MichaelC @guardianofthenight11231 @amalston02 @Bettethanbefore @Dennisps @Markwills
Posted on 6/19/20 5:29 PM
Posted on 6/19/20 5:55 PM
This a personal thing for any individual but when someone outs you this an open attack. I would want to speak to the person and ask why? If he or she can not explain I would seriously think about this relationship...
Posted on 6/20/20 5:09 PM
@Belto64 it wasnt a malicious attack first time he has been introduced to the world hiv ... he doesnt understand going to his non educated sister wasnt the thing to do.. he doesnt think he did anything wrong
Posted on 6/20/20 5:10 PM
Well then just communicate with him...
Posted on 6/20/20 5:47 PM
@Sweety18 I sure understand what you are dealing with. First, I would like to say that I'm glad you understand he needed to talk to someone about it.
I had told my best friend, first person I told of my status. She told her mom, sister, and another of our friends. My bestie, would never do anything to intentionally hurt me, and even though I felt as you do, that she shouldn't have told others, I had to respect that, had I been in her shoes, how would I have felt? Our support system does not have the answers to everything, and they too, need a support system. When they don't know how to deal with what we are having to cope with, they want to be there for us, but they are dealing with almost the same as we are, because they care about us, and don't know what the future holds for us. I was fortunate in that those she told, did not come running at me with questions, or intent to keep me at a distance out of fear of the unknown. I too, felt uncomfortable at first around them. But to be honest, I felt that way around everyone, as I had this secret I wanted no one to know. It's been 24 years since I told my best friend, and she told her family. Had I chosen to hold that against her, I would have lost the most incredible friendship I will ever have.
It took time, but once I accepted that others will react however they react, if they choose to treat me differently, that's on them.
Have you had opportunity to talk to your boyfriend and his sister about how you are feeling? Sometimes a few open discussions, will help both parties. They likely are walking on eggshells, not wanting to say the wrong thing. If you are willing to let them know you care how they are feeling and that you are strong enough to talk to them about this, you might find that you will gain respect in how you are dealing with your status. Sure, they may not react that way, but again, that's on them, and there will always be people that make us feel badly. Those people are not worth our time.
I'm not telling you how to feel about this, this is a very personal experience. From your post, it sounds like you have not been attacked or distanced, since they learned of your status. I just suggest you do your best to move beyond the feeling of betrayal. If we keep negative thoughts in us, we will always feel negativity around us.
I wish none of us had to deal with the judgement we fear. I wonder if we will ever get to the point where people with this will truly be understood to be no different than those dealing with other health issues.
Posted on 6/21/20 5:05 PM
@PeerJanice Thank you for your wonderful comment... I totally get what you are saying but I think the only thing that differs is that was ur best friend someone you know that loves you and that you love as well..it was the beginning stages for us.. I simply liked him.... soni dont have the same energy to put in it to wanna get over that mountain per say....
But THANK YOU SO MUCH for your imput
Posted on 8/11/20 6:57 PM
This actually happened to me after I was diagnosed. The friend who came with me to the appointment when I found out took it upon themselves to let some people know before I was ready. Fortunately it stayed within my bubble of friends, but still I wasn't ready for everyone to know and it forced me to have a bunch of conversations I wasn't ready for.
Posted on 9/28/20 8:00 PM
My ex-boyfriend told my parents that I was HIV+ (I did not want them to know because they had difficulty with me being gay). The fact that he told someone about my HIV status was a line he crossed that was unacceptable in any case. Then too, he told everyone and anyone about what happened in our relationship was really rude. When I confronted him about that his answer was "It's the truth, isn't it?" I told him I was uncomfortable with that and he needed to talk with me before he said anything like that again, Well it did not stop and he would not understand why I was upset with what he did I dumped him.