Solidifying a relationship when your partner has depression/MDD/seasonal depression

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Patients Depression

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Hello all, I’m reaching out today to discuss a new upcoming obstacle in life. I am a 22 year old male, dating a 21 year old female. We have been dating for five years, over this time I have learned everything about her, as she has about me. One thing I have always known and been able to help her cope with is her depression. My loving girlfriend has seasonal depression as well as MDD, which means at any given time she checks out from what’s going on around her and get stuck in her head. I would like to talk with some people going through the same thing or similar, and discussed different ways I have found to help her, and some ways you all may have been able to help with a significant other. In the past few months she has moved into school five days a week, which makes it exceptionally challenging to show her the support I would show her in person. Soon after she moved into school, she began experiencing severe depression, as well as started seeing a new therapist and changing medication. These are very difficult changes, especially when all made at once. I will continue to support in the ways I am able to without overstepping my boundaries, and would like to hear what some other people may have found helpful in similar journeys. The most important thing I ever tell her is that she is loved, she is valued, and the depression is not who she is but an illness in which she is deeply connected with. 

Beginning of the discussion - 3/20/21

Solidifying a relationship when your partner has depression/MDD/seasonal depression


Posted on

I relate. My bf of 2 years has depression and is a bit bipolar. He checks out and ignores me for days or weeks. I'm naturally someone who like to try to help but it's hard when idk what goes on in his head and he refuses help. It's been a struggle for him. I'm trying to figure out how to be the best gf without overstepping boundaries and maybe guide him into thinking about going to seek help. Curious on what has worked for you so far? 

Currently I just tell him I love his, I'll never leave him, and just be there when he checks out. 

Solidifying a relationship when your partner has depression/MDD/seasonal depression


Posted on

@ that’s a good step, so far what’s worked for me is to tell her she’s appreciated, and that she doesn’t hurt me. She feels heavily at times that she burdens me, I hate that she feels that way, because although some of it may be true, she should never have to be upset at herself due to something she can’t control. Reassurance is all that’s seemed to work, and that’s only when it works. Times are tough, this is the worst it’s been in 5 years for her and I. But I reassure her that even if she does end up leaving me (she’s talked about it recently) I’ll always be her best friend and I’ll always be here to support her in whatever ways she may need. I reassure her that even if she chooses to leave in a form of trying to not hurt me, that I’ll still be there for her (to show her that it’s my choice to stay and support her, that I don’t feel obligated to do so). 

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