My depression makes me not like myself
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here I am again. Took my son to school and came home and forced myself to sleep as much as I could. I can’t stand being awake because I feel so lonely and worthless! I put the tv on for background noise but I don’t really watch it because I can’t enjoy anything or relax. My dad will pick him up for me today since I’ve been glued to my bed.
I haven’t showered or changed my clothes and I have no appetite. I feel like there’s no reason for me to be alive. I really want to go back to work so I can feel a sense of purpose but I haven’t got any callbacks. I’ve been not working 3 years now! It went by really fast!
I originally stopped working because I started having seizures from stopping klonopin. I was supposed to be getting my meds straightened out but that never happened. All it’s done is cause me to feel more depressed, lonely and worthless.
I was self medicating with norco to replace the klonopin for the past 2 years or so. And I quit taking norco on 11/28. Yesterday was my 90 days. This has been the absolute worst 3 months of my life! I don’t care about anything anymore and I don’t like myself. I feel like I don’t know who I am anymore. All I know is I can’t live the rest of my life like this and I have a little boy that needs his mom.
I want to be the happy mom that he deserves. I feel like I’m missing out on his life and damaging him at the same time. I love my son so much but I never wanted kids. My ex was abusive and basically forced me to have him. Then he went crazy on drugs and disappeared out of his life. I have a fiancé now who has taken my son on as his own since he was 2.
I have a lot of unresolved trauma from my past relationship and a little resentment. That’s probably why I self medicated so much. I wish I could feel the way I did when I took norco. I miss taking them but it was too dangerous buying them from basically strangers. I guess I just have to pray that my meds work to pull me out of this dark place so I can be the mom he deserves. 😭😭😭
Hi @Sadgirl84, thank you for sharing what you've been going through. It sounds like you're in a dark place right now, but please know that you have a lot to be proud of in taking care of your son and in stopping the hydrocodone! Let me tag some other members who can possibly share with you.
Can you relate to what Sadgirl84 has been feeling? Has your depression ever made you lose interest or passions in the things you used to love? Has it ever made you not like yourself? How do you work through those feelings? Is there anything that helps?
@Mirandalol12 @Minaroz @Lidia.A @Corinne#88 @Ilovemycatozzy @loivyyy @alaysiajsmith16 @Nicole11073 @Cheekylass @Skylarlovesdogs @shybeemn @Struggling @Outlander73 @AlwaysLonely @K3p_03 @Bosche1982
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
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