Posted on 12/11/19 3:11 AM
Recently my depression and anxiety have been rough for me. Went to my doctor's I a few months ago she thought I was still dealing with postpartum depression but I have had depression and anxiety most of my life and I'm only 21 even tho I feel like I'm over 100 years old my life has been nothing but rough since the day I was born and I wish life would just stop for a moment so i could take a second to breath most days I don't even wanna get out of bed and the other days I don't wanna sleep and it affects me so much to were I don't wanna be around my son or feel the need to be alive anymore. Recently I started a second job and I thought it would keep me busy from myself but turns out my boss from my 1st job thinks I don't want to be around my son and that made me feel like a piece of garbage and I have no one to talk to you when I try to talk to someone they tell me I need to change or I am crazy I get told everyday by my son's father on how much he try's to control me and how to spend my money or when to work or how to work and he can't even get out to even go work I just don't know what to do anymore
Posted on 12/11/19 2:14 PM
Anyone have any suggestions on getting help for depression and anxiety?
Posted on 12/11/19 5:43 PM
Brandigail18- I hope to write a bit more later but I just had to reach out right away to say one huge important thing - do NOT let other people control nor define you. Do not base your feelings on what other people think of you. What other people think of you is so fleeting and will change many times. While others try to find themselves and figure out their own lives, its easy for them to pass judgement on others. Believe me, at 45, with anxiety and depression for 30 years, I am just finally realizing how non important other people's opinions of me are and have been. As you start deciding for yourself, you feel so much more in control and so much more peaceful. You are so fortunate to have a child you can poor your love into. That's where the important things lie. Love yourself and love your son. The rest doesn't matter.
Posted on 12/12/19 1:38 AM
No one understands. No one bothers to ask. Judgement hurts. Somedays, I ask the world to just stop and let me off.
Posted on 12/12/19 2:03 AM
I started feeling my depression seven months ago when my mom was diagnose with cancer but I think I have always been depressed. I am 28 year all and I still live at my parents home, they are great but I am feeling very bad with myself for not having a good profesional life, because I have never have a real good job, because I have never have good money stability, I have always hate my brother and sister because when they were little they were not rise the same way I was and right now with my mom’s illness they are just acting like nothing is going on and i have to worry about my mom, about her doctors, medicine, cleaning the house, sometimes cooking, so many things than I feel my day is not long enough, I haven’t have good sleep in months, and in top of all this my boyfriend has been so great with me, understanding me, helping me, supporting me, and all I have done is throwing shit to him, fighting him over everything, like if it is his fault, now he took his proposal back and want to flight back to his home. I feel so lost, yesterday and today where like those days when I only can see the bad things that happen to me, and I just keep getting more and more bad things. I try to be a spiritual person but I honestly think I am just a toxic person inside, and no matter how hard I try I keep pushing everyone away, I make people to hate me, only my parents love me and I am not in a good mental space to them or to me, I know there is a lot of things I need to take care of in my mind, because I have always believe that I am not enough and that nobody could love someone like me And probably that is why I keep pushing people to the place when they are so done and tire of me than they just leave me
Posted on 12/12/19 6:16 PM
Oh sanme07- I am so sorry. Thank you for being brave and sharing all of that. I had to reach out because it's as if I could have written all of that myself. I'm almost twice your age and I feel the exact same way and I'm in the exact same situation. What I can tell you is that typically those of us that feel this way are the stronger ones, more capable of dealing with emotions and reality. A majority of people can't do that which is why the rest of your family probably can't either. It's those of us empaths who stay behind to feel and deal. I know how much it hurts and how confusing it all is. I too pushed away nearly everyone in my life. Some deserving, some not. I feel crazy, unlovable, toxic, like people would be better off if I wasn't around. Im afraid I've put too much on my husband over and over and he is ready to leave me.
I do not have all the answers either, but I so feel for you and I want you to know that at least 1 person out there feels the exact same way. Keep being the good strong person you are. From a spiritual perspective, those who suffer most reap the greatest rewards. Sometimes when you stand up for whats right, you stand alone. If you were a toxic person, unworthy of love, you would not be taking care of your mother like this.
Thank you for helping me feel less alone today.
Posted on 12/13/19 7:29 AM
I usually controll my depression with routine, thought recognition that thought was not me it was the serotin speaking. I also use topic avoidance. I refer to them as streets, so when i have a thought that leads to bad places for me i just say i am not going down that street today. The best tool in my shed is acceptance I have accepted it as my friend it is no longer an enemy it is like the thorn on a rose. It is part of me made me who I am. Then the building you have lived in for 18+ years sells the new owner doubles the rent and i will be homeless by the end of january Not gonna survive this one i can tell I am on disability and cannot move my things nor afford it to move. So all my defenses explode there is no defeating depression it will always rear its head and i am tired of everything tired of depression chats, because no one really cares last week was at a chat to get through this ordeal and the listener asked me if i would trade my partner for money whats the use tire tired tired i got nothing been telling my psycologist for months he doesnt hear or hes ignoring it. cant 302 myself not fair to my partner but beluah land is calling do not hav to face the shame of all this
Posted on 12/13/19 9:48 PM
I know how you feel. There's no one I can turn to. I've lost so much, no one knows my pain. In 2 months I lost my partner for nearly 20yrs and my job of 13yrs. I know I'm better off without her. The verbal and physical abuse I went through.
Posted on 12/14/19 5:59 AM
@NanGram THANK YOU so much! For your amazing wise words, you have no idea how much light they bring to my life. Today I am specially grateful for you, and I hope that your path keeps getting easier and easier, things will find their place and you would find that peace after the storm...you are an amazing, beautiful and strong woman and I am very glad to not been alone and count with someone like you. From the deepest of my heart, thank you!
Posted on 12/15/19 2:51 AM