I really don't feel like living - need support and to talk

@Frecleyt6 I know what you mean it’s horrible dealing with this we just have to take it one day at a time 

@Hidden username Yes it’s hard to deal with all these things 

I find myself getting very frustrated and angry and not knowing what to do with pent up emotions. Anxiety has been really awful. I take Klonopin every day.

Me and my wife fight a lot she says it's me I don't seem to realize it I'm just ready to end my life so she don't have to deal with me any more 

Me and my wife fight a lot she says it's me I don't seem to realize it I'm just ready to end my life so she don't have to deal with me any more 

Just want to mention that I am here and available for anyone that needs to talk. If whatever has you feeling down is an identifiable situation, just remember that everything eventually passes with time. This community is a reminder to me that I don't have to do things alone. You are worth the time and attention of another. If what has you feeling down is unidentifiable, try and remember that it isn't your fault. Struggling with anything, mentally, can lead to some pretty dark emotions. Try not to be too hard on yourselves. 

Wishing everyone here an amazing day today!

@Doucroosheyng28‍ , @Hidden username‍, @Hidden username‍, @Hidden username‍, @Hidden username‍, @Frecleyt6‍, @Hidden username‍, @6407Jeayoash‍, @Hidden username‍ 

I'm so tired. 50 years old and nothing to show for my life. No close friends, kids who don't call. Always dreamed I'd have a close family who spent time together, friends to share things with. I know I've made choices that have screwed things up...but basically I'm just your average work hard, keep your head down, do what is right kind of person. If course it has to be what is right as those around me see it. I feel like a shadow or a ghost just passing time .

I've been sick and off work since June. No one calls no one visits ....I'm just about tired of caring. . what's the point?

I have been answering questions that my pastor sent to me via email to think about and write what I honestly think and feel. I have been slowly pouring my heart into these questions to the point where I am all rattled and get very emotional especially at night when I write the best and most. Then I have to calm myself down, emotionally, mentally and physically so I can just cry myself asleep and hoping and praying the nightmares and flashbacks don't come and interfere with my sleep that I most definitely need to have at this point. I have been trying to stick with writing only certain times of the day and just twice a day. I get so angry and frustrated when I get writer's block and I get angry at myself so badly that I literally scratch my hand raw. Sometimes I wonder if life is worth living when depression and BPD (borderline personality disorder) have affected me so strongly like a hurricane hitting the shore and I can't hold anything at bay. It is like it flows away like the waves in the ocean but seems to always flow back even harder and stronger and knocks me down emotionally and mentally.  I am having a difficult time picking myself up and shaking me off this go-around of one of the worst seasons of my life. My life hasn't been good for most of my life, but especially in the last 13 years. 

All whom have contributed to this forum are an inspiration to me. Your strength and resiliency through all the pain you are experiencing are an example of your fortitude. We’ve been through so much and we keep going. I pray all of you may find some peace and solace soon. All my respect as we share a strong bond of determination.

@Hidden username 

I understand your pain. I have very little family that sees me, just 1 hr a week, social distancing, and 2 friends who are emotionally abusive to me. I am on social security disability and work a part time job with no human interaction. I was bullied so badly at my last job, more than all of previous jobs, so I cannot work with others because I am always the one picked on, excluded, made fun of and bullied even though I am a nice, kindhearted person. This is viewed by most, I am sure, as a weakness. I feel like I am wearing a sign on my back that says ABUSE ME. I can't stand the lonliness and cry and pray every day. Covid is making things so much worse with no support meetings to meet others who might be my friend. 😢😢💔💔💔