I really don't feel like living - need support and to talk

@Thor98006 Hi John, you didn't scare me out of here. Wow I'm so sorry to hear about yet ANOTHER failure of the American justice system. Not to get political, but it's clear there's a problem in our country when a) someone is falsely convicted and then after when they have done the time they are prevented from being able to live. I can't imagine what you're dealing with. This might be stupid since you've probably looked into it already, but have you tried Honest Jobs? I saw a TED Talk by the guy who founded it, and it's supposed to help people who have been incarcerated find jobs.

Hi Jasmine and thanks for your response. No I haven't tried Honest Jobs, but I will look into it. I'm not even sure they can help me though. What employer is going to hire me now that I am so agoraphobic (caused by the American justice system's mistreatment of me over the last 10 years)? When I show up at the interview wearing my head mounted camera, they are going to have the same reaction as my doctor. They aren't going to want me recording everything that happens to me while I am at work and I won't be able to work there without it. I'm convinced my only solution is to start my own business that I can do out of my house, but I keep coming across roadblocks in doing that. There are so many laws that prevent felons from obtaining business licenses. I can't get a car dealer license and I can't get a license to open a restaurant, to name a couple that I looked into. I'm currently looking into game development. Hopefully I can figure out how to be successful at that even though that is far below the life changing things I want to do.

@Thor98006 wow I'm so sorry that you've been through so much that you feel you have to wear a camera to protect yourself. You're an inspiration though for persevering and continuing through all of that. I probably would have given up as I'm not as strong a person as you seem to be. Maybe looking into something online based like you said will be a possible path for you. Wishing you the best.

This site is a mess. Too discombobulated.

Regardless, the bottom line is it's okay to feel the way you do. It sucks, I know.

Feel like shit, and disregard people who don't understand. It's not theirs, it's yours.

Take the time you need to feel the pain, understand it's root cause and let the rest of the world be damned while you do it.

Each of us, especially those of us who suffer the most in this world, have a unique understanding and purpose, a perspective to share that is extremely valuable.

With love,

Kevin

Things have gotten worse since I last posted. My depression has transitioned into agoraphobia and I can't go anywhere without wearing a camera to record everything that happens to me. Unfortunately, this removes one of the few safety nets I have left. Hospitals won't allow me to come in while wearing a camera. I have used the hospital safety net a couple of times thus far to prevent me from taking my own life. Now I can't go there because they don't allow cameras. As of today, I feel that I need to and I don't know what to do. Does anyone know of any Seattle area suicide prevention places that will allow me to record my visit?

I really wish I could give you guys encouragement. I am pretty down myself. I am turning 68 tomorrow, and while I am very glad and blessed to be here, I have a lot of health issues, and I am cut off from my church, my senior center friends with this pandemic going on. I am lonely and scared. I have been suicidal but there are too many people doing that and not realising that people who love you will never get over that. My brother died at 22 from drug addiction. I was 25. It changed my family. This was in 1978. Still hurts today that I couldn't save him. Prayers and hugs to you all. 

Feeling lonely is one of the worse feelings to experience. Sorry you're feeling like that. Look for at least 1 thing positive in your life and do this everyday. 

Feeling lonely is one of the worse feelings to experience. Sorry you're feeling like that. Look for at least 1 thing positive in your life and do this everyday. 

Hi I'm new here ummm.. idk where to start. Well I have been dealing with depression since I was a kid. For example.. I feel useless 24/7 I dont believe I have purpose in life and I tried to reach out to family members about it i have attempted to silence my depression by myself I even considered just shooting myself. My depression isn't "diagnosed" cause I don't want to be stuck taking pills to make me falsely believe it's gone. Another part of my depression is the fact I want to work but I can't seem to. Like I'll start one day and the next don't want to show up anymore. Which pisses my girlfriend off cause she feels like I'm a lazy pos she just won't say it. I have 3 kids I love but can't see because of their mother. I live in a whole new state with no family or friends and I recently just had another child whom I see every day.  I dont know how to deal with everything because I'm afraid of being alone and at my rate I'll de the 40 year old living with his mother. I need help and bad. So please if you have advice or anything please help me. 

Medicine is to correct the imbalance of a chemical in our brains that so called normal people have. I am very aware of my condition. 

I was always told that if something isn't working, I have to do something differently. For me, I sought professional help.

Best of luck to you.