I really don't feel like living - need support and to talk

@Bert74 Thanks so much Bert, so do I 

@castledepress I'm so sorry you're going through that situation. I really hope if it's what you wish, you find someone who loves you flaws and all. I think that you're a strong person and very courageous too! It's not easy to speak about one's experiences. In my situation though, my husband is actually an amazing person, father, husband, etc. but my main issue with him is that he was raised in a southern style home where you don't cry or show feelings because that's weak and you have to "man up". I on the other hand, was raised to share my feelings and have a good cry when ever I need it. I truly hope we both get our loved ones to understand and if they don't then it's on them and not us.

My wife is a classic narcissist who thinks she's perfect in every way, she has a brother who is a mirror image of her.  Thanks so much for the compliment, I really appreciate it.  I was taught to never show my feelings and constantly told to "man up" and shamed for being sensitive.  I know exactly what your husband went through, My mother couldn't stand my father's emotionless nature and divorced him, it took me at least two psychotherapists to finally be able to experience normal emotions because of the emotional vacuum I grew up in so I really understand what your husband is going through.  Unfortunately we can't pick the family we were born into, we can only try to fix the damage done to us 

Here is the scoop.  I feel so worthless right now.   August 31st my fiance was involved in a 3 car accident a few days later we find out our insurance had expired.  Our vehicle was totaled.  He's looking at 4 years suspended license.  The lawyer won't take his case now.  

We are both on disability and now behind on the bills.  I thought ok I will file for a loan.  I did.  I recieved a call that I had been approved and it was 5000 at 108 a month.  He had all of my information I had googled the validity of the loan place.  CashNetUSA has a good reputation.   Then the man asks how I plan to pay the payments.  I should have caught on but I didn't I told him cash app.  Then a few seconds later I woke up and hung up.  Only to discover he had filed a dispute on every single bill I paid from September. September 3rd to the 25th.  That included cable internet our phones and electric.  My bank account has been closed and I am being treated like the one who committed the crime not the victim.  Right now as bad as it sounds to say this.  If my great grandson was not in my custody I wouldn't be sober.  I would have broken sobriety of 20 years.  I still am fighting the urge plus the fact I have fucked up everyone's life by being stupid.  I won't have rent money now.  Among other things 

 

Dear friends,

We are all going through tough times and I feel your pain!  I continue to suffer from anxiety and terrible depression. It is hell on earth. I have had many days that I’ve just wanted to die and be out of this torment, but after many years ago attempting suicide I promised my family I would not ever do that, so I won’t 

For the past three weeks I’ve been getting TMS magnetic therapy. It focuses on the part of my brain where the depression comes from. It is very simple 20 min non invasive outpatient treatments and I’m starting to feel some relief from my depression  I highly recommend you look into it 

A while back I had three weeks of ECTs they helped me reduce my 24 psy meds down to only 4 now. I feel regular therapy and an excellent psychiatrist has also helped me. Most recently I have turned to God in prayer and watching great bible based u tube messages to also help me during these tough days...it has helped. I’m not religious but spiritual

I pray my sharing helps you!  I also stay connected to my loving supportive family. That helps too. Hang in there friends and keep doing whatever you can to help you during these painful days...there is hope

Gid bless you all. Your friend David ❤️

@castledepress yes that's how it feels sometimes and yes I have been under an immense about of stress lately including finding out my so called best friend wasn't a friend at all and she was the only person I trusted enough to call friend,  bills piling up, stress on my marriage, ect. And now these stupid doctors I am supposed to be seeing now that I'm home has ran me around one phone appointment after another and long story short now I have been out of meds that the hospital just put me on for almost a week now and I'm having all kinds of side effects and the doctors are doing nothing but trying to drive me more insane than I was before!! Smh

It is so sadly encouraging to see that I am not the only one who is struggling with this. I on the daily struggle with depression and anxiety and am so tired of living. My current job and future goals will most likely be affected by me getting help, but it has been so bad lately. I have never been so close to ending my life. Twice last week I drove out without the intention of coming back. I know there are so many people who are struggling, but most of the people around me seem to have enough hope to hold onto to stay healthy-enough to continue. I struggle working, not working, being with people, being without people.. Nothing seems to actually help. I don't know what to do.

What  to do when simply existing is a chore to do anymore... My family won't try to understand what Im thinking or going through, and I haven't any friends.  Tired of hearing "snap out of it" and other wonderful phrases....

Hello I am new here. My husband passed away June 29 2020. I have been fighting depression since I was a teen. My parents would never do anything cause they said it would make me tough. After a few suicide attempts they put me in a mental institution. Never believed what the doctors would tell them so still didn’t do anything. I was in a couple abusive marriages . Son died I. 1988. Yes I know I should be over it but I am not. Now I find the love of my life and he dies after 11 years. Will I try suicide again prob not cause I failed at that. But how do I get up and go on with my days. I just want to die. And be with my husband. Maybe this is t the right place I do t know. Can’t go see a dr cause I have no income.

I hate myself, I don’t want to live anymore! I grew up without either of my parents and a with a grandmother who was emotionally not there. I got beat for nothing and I clean my entire childhood, like her maid. She took me in sheltered me for her own benefit. I hate my body I’m so disgusted with myself. I used to have the prettiest shape and now everyone tells me I have no butt and It hurts my feelings. I feel so sensitive to the smallest remarks but I can’t help it I do t wanna be like this but I can’t control it. Everyone wants to make stuff about them..but what about my Health, my opinion, my life....I feel alone and helpless even with a room full of people. I use my phone as my safe haven when I zone out. I tend to do it a lot I do t know when it started. But I don’t feel loved and I feel like a nuisance. My mother doesn’t love me she chooses guys over me. Why did I have to be born if no one wanted me. Why does everyone want to use me or only hit me when they need something. I’m no one I fucking hate myself I wish I could be invisible that how I feel! Everyone says I’m so pretty but I don’t see it. I hate I let a shitty guy take my virginity something I can never get back. It hurts so bad!! I have so many regrets I can’t take the pain. I’m scared to die but I want to.