Posted on 1/12/20 8:16 AM
I’m a 57 yr old woman. I have 2 adult children. I had a stroke in 2018 with a brain bleed on both sides of my brain, recovered fairly well from that. Spent a couple of months in the hospital. But when I got out I found out my youngest child had overdosed on heroin , survived ,but that was the first of a long line of problems. My oldest child had let the youngest move into my apartment because after the o.d resulted in a break up with the spouse and they had no where to go and having to leave the 1 month old baby with the other parent , so they moved in with the oldest child at the time. That turned into a disaster which resulted in me having to take custody of a 3 yr old. Spent the next few months while I was supposed to be recovering, taking my grandchild to get caught up on Dr and Dentist appts and running in and out of court. The month after I was awarded permanent custody I had an AFib attack and had to have a stent put into both sides of my heart. Recovered from that. Then I find out my youngest that had the o.d is HIV positive. All my friends have passed away , my mother too. I have nobody to talk to about anything. I only have my grandchild and very grateful I have him ,but I’m tired, I’ve had a long hard life and feel like when is it going to end. I do have my Faith and that’s the only thing that’s keeping me going. I ‘m doing the best I can ,but I carry a lot of guilt and blame myself for everything. I don’t sleep well, I worry about everything. I fear I might have another stroke or a heart attack. My oldest child has a job that requires a lot of travel so I don’t get to have a lot of meaningful conversations with them. I just need somebody to unload on at times ,but I don’t have a therapist or a counselor because I don’ t have a car to go see one and no public transportation where I live at. I don’t know where to turn for 𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓅.
Posted on 2/4/20 4:14 AM
Hey everyone. Really down today, and just need someone to talk to I guess. I’m in the beginning stages of getting diagnosed for my mental illnesses. Screenings and trial-error with medications to see what works and such. I’ve struggled with anxiety, mood irregularities, and hormonal issues amongst some mystery things since I was 16. Because of all of these symptoms, I later started consuming cannabis heavily, at least once a day starting at age 18. It’s the only thing I’ve found helps ease my psychical anxiety, nausea, and appetite loss. At my first appointment, my psychiatrist originally gave me lexapro & told me to cut back on smoking because it could make my anxiety and depression worse, so I did. Cut back my intake wayy less, and even take breaks in between smoking days now. It’s been two months and my anxiety and depression screenings since that last appointment have gone up, and I feel like my life just keeps getting worse. So my doctor doubled the lexapro dose & now wants me to stop smoking all together, so he can see if that’s still making my anxiety and depression worse. Rightfully so I understand why he wants me to stop smoking, so he can truly see what help I need without the cannabis. However, I’m terrified that I can’t do that. I definitely have a cannabis dependency after all this time, but for some good reasons. I have such low appetite that I can hardly even eat unless I’ve smoked, extreme nausea sometimes that’s only curbed by a bowl, etc. I want to help myself in the best way possible, but it makes me extremely worried to let go of something that still helps me so much everyday.
Posted on 2/5/20 11:58 PM
@Blueday, I am a 54-year-old woman, I also feel like I'm always battling some issue. I'm sorry you have had to take on the care of your family instead of someone taking care of you after your surgery. Most days, I just want it to be over..all the suffering, but I continue to put on the mask, which is now wearing thin. I hope knowing there are other people out there dealing with depression and you are not alone, helps a little.
Posted on 2/9/20 6:31 AM
Recently I've been making myself feel unwanted by friends, family and my significant other. It really sucks because I know it's my own self pushing away from those who love me. I just am afraid they are going to leave me or get tired of me since I am sad all the time. I seriously dont know how to stop making myself feel unwanted 😕
Posted on 2/23/20 4:30 AM
@AvaJo098 you need to focus on you and only you at this time in your life. If you don't take care of yourself first then you're not going to be help to anyone else. The people who love you will always love you and won't believe what anyone else says about you because they know the real you. I know it's easier said than done but once you start believing in yourself you will be amazed at what you can achieve
Posted on 2/23/20 4:39 AM
@Nadine I'm not here to judge you. I've been clean and sober for 17 years and it seems like you have a addiction problem and may be just replacing one addiction for another? If you don't mind me making a suggestion? Try calling narcotics anonymous help line or better yet! Get to a meeting. I'm just suggesting that because it worked for me. Also sharing here like you are helps also and never give up on yourself. You'll be surprised in yourself once you believe in yourself