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Patients Depression

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Member Carenity
Posted on

I just need to share this,,,

Depression can go two ways. One is, you feel nothing. You are nothing. You can't do anything about it. And cutting deep into your skin and watching the blood flow out is how you feel something, anything. Or, you just keep trying to keep the cascade of tears from falling. Feeling immense pain that you can never quite shake. And I hate it.

I hate it when I see the person I'm in love with, in love with someone else. I hate it when I try to tell someone what I'm going through and they simply tell me I'm being dramatic, or I'm selfish and arrogant. I hate it how people can make you feel so alone and so helpless in the blink of an eye.

I wish someone out there would understand.

I wish I could be happy, like my family wants me to be. I hate being depressed, because I hate the look my parents give me every day. How they love my sister (I love her too) and they celebrate her everyday and their adoring looks. 

But they give me a look that hurts more than a punch in the face. It's a look I've seen more than one thousand times.

Disappointment.

Beginning of the discussion - 12/23/19

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Member Carenity
Posted on

I am so sorry to hear you going through that, and I definitely understand that feeling. It's not like you WANT or CHOOSE to be depressed. It just happens, and sometimes you can't even make yourself PRETEND to be happy. I know this doesn't help much but I really hope you find someone who is truly there for you.

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Member Carenity
Posted on

did I recieved message I send to you earlier 

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Member Carenity
Posted on

  sarahlee71983 I hope I do too... It's hard sometimes though.

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Member Carenity
Posted on

@Hidden username I guess I'll start responding to other posts.  It seems like the discussion I posted didn't get much response, which I'm disappointed in.

Anyway, I know it's hard.  A lot of people can make you feel worse with depression.  I've definitely had both the numb times and then the times that I just feel mostly immense pain.  I wish I had some sort of advice for you.  I've actually been wondering what I can do to try to help myself. 

I guess the main thing is know that you aren't alone.  Even if the people right in front of you don't understand, that doesn't mean no one does.  It may help to join local support groups or just talking to a therapist some.

Also, if you are up for it, and don't have any animals right now, maybe you can try to get some pets.  Unlike humans, many pets won't judge you, and they can love unconditionally..

Plus, I know it is easier said than done, but maybe try to find things to be apart of.  Like there is a site called Meet Up.com that has hobby related groups.  Or maybe you could try to see if you could get some volunteer work.  Sometimes, that can help you feel better about yourself by knowing you are doing things to help others.  Helping others may actually help you in return.

Plus, you can make some goals to work towards.  It doesn't have to be large goals.  Start off small and then make more long-term goals if you see that you are completing different small goals.  Achieving different goals can also help you feel better about yourself.  But yeah, when you make bigger goals, just try to think of different things you will need to do in order to achieve that goal.  Sometimes, having goals can give you something to look forward to achieving in the future and give you a reason to hang on.

Those are just some different pieces of advice that I have.  Plus, just keep reaching out to different people.  You never know who you will meet who you can connect with and who may relate to you or try to help keep you on track.  It's hard to find true friends, and love, but then once you do, it makes it more worth it.

I hope something I said is able to help you.

~Alisha