I can't stop self-sabotaging


Patients Depression

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My mom is a drug addict. My stepmom abused me due to her drinking problem. My other step mom died of cancer. My dad doesn’t even ask how I feel and acts as if he is the only victim. He also struggles with drinking and smoking problems. He always says if I die you will be better without me which makes me feel terrible. I have a sister out there who I haven’t seen since I was 2 and I have 2 brothers who I haven’t seen since I was 10. When I try to start a relationship I self sabotage myself and end up losing really good people. When I’m with friends I am fine but when they have other friends around I feel inferior and start to feel jealous. At my moms funeral I didn’t cry because my grandma asked me to be strong for my dad so I never let him see me cry but after the funeral I cried for a week straight and more after that. I live with my aunt who is a Mormon and I don’t know how to feel about her religion. People at the church are really nice but confuse me because I dont know what church to join and I don’t know if Mormonism is cult or the true church. I want to be the main character of the friend group but I’m not and I hate that. It is hard to get out of bed sometimes and I lash out at my grandma who I love so much and hate I treat her like crap. I eat everything in my path if it’s there I eat it. If there is a big bag of Oreos I will eat the entire bag in one sitting because I can’t stop thinking about them. I am just tired and need help!

Beginning of the discussion - 7/6/21

I can't stop self-sabotaging

• Community manager
Posted on

Hello @Brooencody‍, thank you for sharing what you've been going through. When we go through hard times we can sometimes develop negative thoughts or habits against ourselves that can be really hard to break. Let me tag some other members who can possibly share with you.

Hi everyone, how are you doing? Have you ever found yourself stuck in a loop of self-sabotaging thoughts or behaviors? How did you overcome it? Is there anything that helped you to break the cycle?

Feel free to share any experiences and advice here!

Take care,

I can't stop self-sabotaging

Posted on

I’ve definitely been one for self sabotaging. It took me probably close to 10 years to realize. I feel like it happened because I’m so used to the bad going on in my life that I always expect the bad to happen. So if something good happens I self sabotage before I can get my hopes up. I can relate with the drinking, drug using, abusing, and “suicidal”parental figures. I can also relate to the dying (but not from cancer), and the jealousy. I get way too jealous too easily. Basically everything except the religion aspect. But what really helped me is I finally realized that if I keep down this path. Nothing good will ever come. If I want to be better to everyone else, I have to start with myself. I struggle with this every single day. But I know that I never want to end up like all of the parental figures in my life. So I have to prove to myself I can make it and I can strive even though I was dealt a bad hand. But it takes belief in yourself   That belief is hard to come by. But if you really want to help yourself then it’s worth the fight. I would also recommend a burn journal. They are cheap. So you can write down all of your emotions and you can destroy it as soon as you’ve finished. It helps to write it down. But it also helps to destroy all the thoughts in the journal instead of destroying yourself. (I’ve never ever been a fan of journaling until I found that). To me it sends a moment of relief saying hey. I can take it out on this journal instead of sabotaging myself. I’m here if you need to talk one on one. 

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