Feeling scared and like I'm at the end...

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Patients Depression

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Hello .... I am 57 and have been living with depression since the age of 18.  My story has been long and mainly composed of mental and physical suffering.  After 14 years of marriage, my husband no longer wants to be with me.  I have had to depend on him financially throughout the entirety of our marriage.  He was always my ally and advocate when my health began to decline.  I knew that all of this was taking a toll on our marriage but it was beyond my control. I always made sure he knew how grateful I was  and how much I loved him.

Flash forward...I can't even discuss this. Suffice to say that there truly is not one person who cares whether I live or die.  I have always been the 'identified patient' to my mom and brother. After years of trying anything and everything to manage my depression incuding therapy, ECT and  every med on the market, I see no reason to keep fighting.  My husband is a CPA but is in rehab at the moment. We have barely gotten by as he has not been able to work with any consistency.  He will be home  Nov. 11th and has told me that his plan is to go to a half way house. Meanwhile, I've been trying to figure out how I'm going to live on $1500 a month.  My mother cares very nuch but all she can point out are my perceived mistakes I've made in my life....hypercritical. I don't know what to do and I don't care. I have no children, few friends and my bunny that I loved with all my heart  for over 10 yrs. unexpectedly had to be put to sleep several weeks ago,  In my youth and midlife, I always had hope. I dont see a future  that I want to be a part  of.  The only thing keeping me going, is my fear of death. So I continue to exist for no reason.  I cant cope with the worry, hurt, lonliness. There is no reason. I apologize if I've gone on too long .  This is my first post and I really dont know what I'm doing.....Best wishes to everyone and many thanks for listening.

Beginning of the discussion - 10/25/20

Feeling scared and like I'm at the end...


Posted on

I’m so sorry hon. I am feeling the same. I know it’s late but I’m having insomnia and I’m reaching out. I’m a breast cancer survivor but still suffering from the treatments I went through amongst a million other things. I’m 52. Female. If you ever want to talk I’m at 9894946923. My name is Bridget. It’s nice to meet you 

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