My wife is struggling with paranoia - how can I help her?

Any help would be great.

I'm ~40 with depression.    It's been rough the last few days.

I believe it has gotten worse as my wife (~40) has been going through some strong mood swings and paranoia.     I don't know if it's the new diet medicine (P?) or menopause, etc.    She doesn't trust me, but everyone else around us, she does.....    Makes it sooo tough, and I've cried soooo much.

She'll be fine one moment, and the next moment her face changes expressions, color, and she's either mad, sad, etc.     

She'll tell me to turn off my phone, so no one is listening, and asks me if I'm plotting with the kids against her.   One moment she flips-me-off, the next she's asking me to go buy soda.....

She wants to leave the door open to our bedroom, and sometimes doesn't want to sleep in same bedroom....

I don't know what's going on, but could use any help....

It started I think, because one late night I asked about a 3-some with a man.....

We're supposed to be both getting in for counseling soon, I hope it helps.....

Hi there. I’m sorry you’re going through a tough time. You’re wife sounds a lot like me. I do a lot of those things. I can’t control them. And then I feel this terrible guilt afterwards for putting my boyfriend through it. He’s been dealing with me for 13  years now and fortunately for me has the patience of a saint. For some strange reason he never tires of me. But I tire of myself and I hate that I can’t control myself and I keep putting him through this. This is my norm though. It sounds like this may be new behavior for your wife? You said you mentioned a threesome. Is this something y’all have done before and she’s comfortable with or was it a new idea? That could be possibly part of it if she’s feeling some insecurities...Also does she have a history of mental illness? Has she ever seen a counselor? I know it helps me a lot. Feel free to message me if you don’t want to post everything on this. And good luck! 

@Krissb123 Hi, new behavior,    never done a three-some, but she may have, she has a long history, including r@pe       History of depression, anxiety.     I read her wrong when I brought it up....       

Both been to a counselor, but after she revealed some corrective changes to her, I believe my wife stopped wanting to go....

Thanks for your message, it's good to know someone is listening.

@dkp6991‍  You’re so welcome. That’s why we’re here right? To help each other :) but yeah there’s def something going on there. It could be so many factors. I would say sit down and have a real heart to heart. Try to find out what’s triggering this new stuff. You mentioned a hx of rape. That alone can cause long term emotional damage and ptsd. So maybe the mention of the threesome upset her? And maybe not. It could be totally unrelated to that. But that’s something you guys could try to talk about. And honestly, counseling can be SUCH a big help opening up these discussions with each other and helping you work through the issues. Also,  I know I had to go through quite a few counselors before I found one that really helped me so that’s another thing you could mention. Just because counseling didn’t work in the past for her, doesn’t mean it won’t now...maybe she just didn’t have the right fit for counselor. 

@dkp6991‍ you also mentioned menopause and diet meds. Has she seen her primary care at all recently? 

She went to doctor, and they didn't find anything...

She said she has trust issues with me...  I don't know how to fix this......

I made the mistake? of contacting her doctor, and expressing some of my concerns.    She feels betrayed

I may have been agitated when I sent the letter, but I did have good intentions.

I don't know what to do.    She mentions divorce..

I don't have a support system, or friends...   I don't know what to do..

At times, I feel I am spiraling down....    Thinking of checking myself in somewhere, but I don't know if it's the right call....

I’m so sorry :( this is a tough spot. Did she go to the doc alone or did you go with her? I know I haven’t always been completely honest with my docs in the past. Also, if you didn’t go...perhaps she’s not telling you everything that was said....especially if she’s not trusting you fully rn. And I also know....there have been times past when people reached out for help for me....at the time I was SO mad at them and swore I’d never trust them again. But in hindsight, I might not be here today if they hadn’t done so.  So don’t beat yourself up for trying to help the person you love the most. You’re human and you care and and that’s good! You must feel so overwhelmed. Dealing with your own issues while trying to help your partner is so hard. Especially without a good support system. You mentioned therapy?I know she doesn’t want to but maybe you could benefit. Have you signed up yet??

Update, yesterday went well, early morning cry sessions, but day got much better....     I'm feeling better.     Thanks for the help so for.

@dkp6991‍ thats so good to hear!  Happy new year!