Topic of the discussion
Posted on 11/7/19 8:35 AM
I’m rather new around here, but I’m excited to give Carenity a try. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety most of my life, but both have become increasingly difficult to work with and understand in my Adult years. My whole life I have always been the empathetic one who always wants to help others in anyway possible. I’m so used to being the giver, and the one who is always concerned for those around me wether it be family, friends or even complete strangers.
I’m so used to saying “I’m fine” when asked how I’m doing because of the fear of being a burden to the person I’m talking to. I feel as if there is a filter in place which makes everything that I’m dying to say seem “not as bad” or “ sugar coating” my situation. I’m afraid that if I share how I’m feeling, with no sugar coating, people will treat me differently, reject me because they won’t see me as the “normal” person I was before, or not understand what I’m trying to share with them.
I’m planning on seeing a therapist sometime soon, but finding the time and motivation to do so is extremely exhausting. I’m been dealing with this for years, but I’m still struggling to accept my mental illness, and I believe if I can become more open with those around me, it will be easier to find that acceptance and continue moving forward.
How did you first open up about your depression/ mental illness and how did that person react? Have you ever had someone who just didn’t understand that you can’t just flip a switch and “be happy/positive”? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Beginning of the discussion - 11/19/19Any advice to being more open about how I’m feeling, because I constantly feel like a burden to others. https://www.carenity.us/forum/depression/living-with-depression/any-advice-to-being-more-open-about-how-im-fee-1304
Posted on 11/19/19 7:36 AM
This is big mood. Wish I could help but I just do the same thing. I don't even know how to talk about it to people who really 'wouldn't care'(like this kinda thing I've joined and never touched a bunch of them) cause I don't know what to say. I'm sad. In scared. I'm a failure. I don't know what else to say. I don't know how to change.
Posted on 11/24/19 8:16 AM
@Nekozombie I feel the same way. Right now, I’m just trying to put one foot in front of the other. I’m still here, so I guess that’s something.
I finally opened up to one of my close friends about my struggle with depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I explained how I felt, and how I struggle to share my emotions, because that’s just not who I am. It was extremely scary at first, very nerve racking, once the words started flowing, everything became a little easier. It felt like a slight chip of the weight I was carrying fell away. She opened up to me about how she struggled with many of the same issues.
I feel it was easier reaching out to a friend about my feelings (many of which I had never said out loud) then to a family member, just yet. I’m still going, and everyday even though it sucks like hell, l’m doing my best to work through my problems.
Just remember, you are enough, and completely worthy of every second, every day and every breath you take. Please keep taking one step after another. I don’t check this thing very often, but I’ll try to bop in here every once in a while to check up.
Posted on 11/24/19 9:33 AM
Even though most of my friends are aware about my depression, I feel awful whenever I talk to them about how I feel and about my sadness. Because most of them already deal with some depression of their own and in the past when I've opened up and shared about my sadness, all I would end up doing is triggering them into their own sadness. Or sometimes they are going through a difficult time in their life and I just don't wanna bother them with my problems cause they surely have their own. So instead I just keep everything to myself now and focus on making my friends feel better and tell them "not to worry about me".
Posted on 11/25/19 5:15 PM
@Ahawkins I completely understand how you’re feeling. After I talked with my friend, I apologize several times because I felt that I just unloaded my burdens on her. I constantly feel like a bother to others, especially when I notice that they are going through their own problems, so when anyone asks me I just instinctively say “I’m fine” or “I’m still here” like it’s a mask. I don’t want people to worry about me. Whenever someone says they are worried about me, I feel terrible.
Posted on 12/18/19 3:28 PM
This so describes how I feel sometimes. Thank you for posting it.