I really don't feel like living - need support and to talk

I'm never enough, I'm used. Walked on. I'm not the person I used to be. I used to fight for whatever was right but now I just keep my mouth shut I go with it and I tell people what they want to hear just so they don't yell at me I hate everything I'm full of hatred I don't want to be here anymore. Not even enough for my own boyfriend and he's all that I have I don't have family they're all fake and hate me and I don't have friends because I can't keep them and of course just another example of me messing  up all the time I've been through hell and back and I had a fake smile the whole time will somebody please talk to me

I know those feelings all to well. I use to love life and now I'm just ready for it to end

@Hidden username I know those feelings all to well. I use to love life and now I'm just ready for it to end

@10Steabraifoos‍ Id never wish it upon anyone in sorry you feel me. 

Well its just a price we pay sometimes. What I've realized is and the one thing keeping me going is that as tormented as I feel some is my own making and some is the making of others but in the end I believe in Jesus Christ and that I will be healed and all my questions answered oneday. So I just tryingnto stay strong and give life a good fight. It's not easy and very exhausting but if I wake tomorrow then I have a chance. That's just the positive I have left. 

I could never see it your way. 

I've been married 40 years now my wife is hooked on drugs and doesn't love me anymore

I was divorced in August and then tried to reconcile but she is with another. Cruel words and actions torwards me and have made me suffer is a darker place. Between addiction recovery, severe depression and know this, I've thought alot about ending this world and moving to next. I'm so sorry for all your pain and suffering. I know both were she is and you are. My only hope is the love of a God I struggle with. To believe in something good while in all this pain. You have to work on you. You have to find people like you going through the things like you to lean on. I cry all the time, I've cut myself to feel, I dream of death. I feel like I have no life but my feelings aren't true. Feelings are just a thinking in my mind that has been distorted or time due to trauma and pain. Not believing I'm worthy or enough or deserve is a thought I have on a daily. I pray for everyone hear to find peace in the sadness, to find peace in the war, to find healing in the heartbreak. We are all worthy of joy and happiness and I hope you all as well as me find it. 

@Hidden username I hope today you have a good day. Your worth it and loved by many even if you don't see it.  I love you because we have a common bond in suffering. I will fight for you and for me to heal and one day we will either hear on this earth or next. I will pray for you. 

Thank you. So much