Posted on 11/9/19 7:13 AM
@cancerdad66 My heart breaks for you. I wish there was something I could think of to help. I don't know how a minister can totally turn their back on you. They have no business pretending to be a servant of God and to be so heartless and closed minded. How big is the town/city you live in? there should be some help out there somewhere for you. Do you have any relatives that live somewhere else that could possibly send you a bus ticket or something to get you to another area where you might have a better chance? I would try other churches. Not all can be so heartless. Sometimes all there is to do is pray for Gods help. You are alive and have your son, and in your darkest hour pray and he comes through. He loves you, so put it in his hands and when I have thought I had no options I have handed it over to Him and something happened to keep me going. I don't want to sound preachy and I sure am not trying to make light of your situation but sometimes when you have nothing else you can do you hand it over to God and something happens to make things better. I will be praying for you and your son, that happens soon.Just try and take it one second at a time, until you can get through one minute, then a day, and you can make it if you don't give up on yourself.Go to the library and look for help, aid , shelters. It's warm and dry and free and you can look for any kind of programs while you are there. At least having lost everything you can not lose any more. It can only get better from here. Check on this site and ask if there is any help they can give, or at least maybe suggest some other options to try. I will continue to pray for you. Your friend
Posted on 12/10/19 1:49 PM
Hi Lee, I have very few friends because I dont have the stamina to go out, walk around and do physical zctivities.
Posted on 1/26/20 12:35 PM
@cancerdad66 I can relate to your feelings. I am going through similar in my own life right now. I know its hard not to be angry and bitter. Stress will cause a lot of pain in the body, and while You are entitled to those feelings, just try and put a sweet smile on once a day, for your kid, and YOU. Allow it to be genuine and find help and joy in the moment and in the giving. Peace and love,
Posted on 1/26/20 12:40 PM
@cancerdad66 check out YOUTUBE Lions of Judah. find your place hon. i wish you peace.
Posted on 2/18/20 6:21 PM
what are friends?
Posted on 2/18/20 8:20 PM
I grew up very very shelter. I did go to public school but my dad was an abusive alcoholic drug addict. He would get hi in the house and be so paranoid that all the windows had dark covers and we had to keep them closed during the day. When he was hi he would walk back and forth between the front and back doors checking out the windows until his hi wire off n it was time for the next hit.
I never had friends from school over until I was out of high school and that was literally one time when my dad was out binging. They were my best friends from high school and they came to see my new born daughter.
I didnt go to a friends house until my sophomore or junior year. That was my first birthday party and sleep over. My senior year I had a car and would occasionally go to my best friends house.
In high school I only had 3 close friends. I've always been introverted and antisocial/shy. It was hard for me to fit in and growing up my parents didnt keep me clean all the time so that made it even harder.
After high school I slowly stopped talking to my friends and that came to a complete stop. I wasnt going anywhere to make new friends and my antisocial issue deepened. I have been able to have boyfriends but it was mostly starting off sexual and not as a social thing. I moved from NJ to md at 20 and I've learned to do basic things that are necessary for me and my daughter. I still live at home. It's hard to keep jobs and I literally have 0 friends. I do have my wonderful boyfriend jeffrey but it's hard to completely let my feelings loose with him. I've put him through hell and I understand hes a little tired because he has no idea how to approach, let alone deal with, my mental illness.
I wish I wasnt so introverted so I could just have one good friend that could listen and help me come out of my bubble. I go out with my boyfriend sometimes and I'll take my daughter on little outings and sometimes my mom but I dont volunteer for big things or plan things. I usually sit in my room alone, when my daughters in school. I've learned to be better at living with myself by myself because I am 26 and I cant depend on anyone but myself at the end of the day.
It would be lovely to know what having a "bestie" would feel like. It would also be Incredible to know what it's like to have a dad. But now that I'm at this point in my life I dont see change in these aspects so I've learned to hold it in and keep pushing. I've accepted it because its terrifying talking to people in real life and I'm over whelmed so easy but a lot of things. I shut down easy and almost everything is a trigger.
I hate who I am and I wish I could "turn it off once its on"
Posted on 2/18/20 8:49 PM
I've never had friends.... And I still don't. A friend is someone that is always there for you. I've never had that.
Posted on 2/18/20 11:59 PM
i have no support,my wife and kids left when i was in hospital for 3months.i did not see them up to now and I'm so down..
Posted on 2/19/20 7:42 AM
Hello, Sister Lupies, lol
Have you ever felt like you want to cry and laugh at the same time?? Well, the only reason I have someone in my life because-- they are my caregiver and the State of California ---PAYS HIM!!! My mother passed away, and my son is in jail. So, other than that I have no-one. I have a sister who visits witches and lights candles with cat hair!!!! SO I AM ALONE!!! If your choices were like mine, what would you do? I started a lupus club in my area and many of them are dead or so sick they are housebound and bed bound(like me). I only go out to the doctor's and then food shopping or if I am lucky a bit to eat (hamburger)!! That is if the caregiver is in the mood for it or very hunger. Today, he was not up to it and I know why.. He has a friend who lost his partner just like my caregiver (lost his partner a few months ago).
That is where my life is at and I wish I would be pain-free enough to have a hobby. I can not take a hobby or a class to learn a hobby because I am in too much pain!!! Feb. 27, I am having a new morphine pump implant.
The one I have implanted now is too old (15 yrs.). Maybe that is why I can no longer live a near-normal lifestyle. I am in hope that after the procedure I will be able to have more pain-free days. Please keep me in your prayers.
PLEASE KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS!!
Posted on 2/19/20 8:09 AM
@Lee__R Dearest Lee, I think when we are married we become not just lovers but friends!!! Please read my post and let me know what you think of it.
Respectfully, thank you and always wishing you the BEST!!