Topic of the discussion
Posted on 10/24/20 11:40 AM
How can it be so easy for people to leave, and so hard for me to get over it. I haven't had a constant factor in my life since I could remember, other than my guardian. But my emotions are often poured into other people, and in return, I am left alone again, back to square one. I just want a constant...
Beginning of the discussion - 10/26/20Struggling with abandonment https://www.carenity.us/forum/depression/living-with-depression/struggling-with-abandonment-2679
Posted on 10/26/20 6:41 PM
@joon0912 Hello joon09121, thank you for opening this discussion. I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with abandonment. Let me tag some other members who can potentially share their thoughts and advice with you.
Hi everyone, how have you been lately? Have you ever dealt with feelings of abandonment? How do you cope with it? How did you learn to trust others again?
@lonely1 @Ashleyr81 @CharityEmani1254 @tallicarules @DebDeb @evaclose2 @Utahgirl68 @Mariebrown @Phillyp @Kiannamurray15 @BigChief @jpwj55 @deedeebarbz @Bettyboop77 @Bwrigh10 @joshfred756 @TammyDZ
Feel free to share your thoughts and experiences here.
Posted on 10/26/20 9:01 PM
For me, the worst feeling is being 100% invested in someone (my someone being my future x wife) and they hit you randomly with wanting to get a divorce. She couldn't believe i didn't see it coming when she stopped trying 8 months ago!! When I said I do.. I ment I do for ever.. and she use to be the same way. She use to be caring and loyal and faithful.. she said the reason is just being unhappy.. found out the very next day that for at least 6 months she had talked very voguerly with a few different guys... she said she never actually "cheated." But im sorry.. theres a fine line there and it was crossed. Doesn't matter if you crossed it just a little or completely over it. Still hurts the same. So do I feel abandoned. Oh more then im letting show. But I feel cheated, robbed, used. So many different emotions at once. I dont see how someone could be married for 4 years, have 2 kids together. And just decide one day to just give up. And then stick around for 8 more months not saying anything. Just sitting back and seeing me still doing the married life and trying to be a good husband to her. And the whole time knowing im doing all of it for nothing and could care less about me and us as a family. Makes it hard to be all in ever again. Thanks for listening to me vent! Hope all is well..
Posted on 10/27/20 5:39 PM
@jpwj55 that is very upsetting :( im sorry you went through that and i hope you understand that none of that is your fault. often times i find myself blaming myself for other people’s actions or feelings, thinking that if i had done something different then they wouldn’t be straying away from me. but in reality if i had been different i wouldn’t have been true to myself. not to say it’s the same for you but... along those lines. it was wrong for her to just uproot everything the two of you had established together. i understand too how hard it is too be all in ever again, it’s like trust issues and paranoia about going through the same pain no matter how traumatic it was for you. it’ll always be there, in the back of your head like some weird voice telling you that it’ll happen all over again which sucks.. ;-; anyways, i hope you are well too
Posted on 10/28/20 5:01 AM
@jpwj55 when I read your story it hit so close to home. My wife of 6yrs and together for 9yr 4 wonderful kids later just upped and gave up on us. I get it i got on some hard drugs i wasmt there. I get to live with that and that alone is more excruciating than anything else. Why did i do it well let ms give a back story i have never since i was 13 yrs old had anyone. I have been completely alone minus the streets who i was brough up by. All my family or so called friends l would consider family dissappeared. I was introduced to drugs at the age of 13, to me that has been the only thing that has been there for me. I am now 31 yrs old been clean for 1 yr and still have nothing. I lost my wife even though she aint signed the papers. She won't talk to me,she told me she hated me,she keeping my kids from me. For me losing the only thing in the world I wanted and being refused the chance to show her I am different. I struggle with the fact I did this and the fact I lost my family the only thing I have searched for for so long. I know its different but it really ain't we made a vow and when I needed help she turned her back on me. This kills me the pain from everything that I didn't mention above is unreal. I want to stop feeling for good.
Posted on 10/28/20 8:19 PM
@Smokingjoker i struggle everyday to keep fighting. But I dont have it as bad as you man! This is still new for us so everything is still going as we discussed with the children (knock on wood). Ill know for sure this Sunday if I get them or if she pulls something. But If she does what your wife did... I can't even think about it. There the only reason I can find a reason to keep going. Your stronger then I am and I want to thank you for being that strong. Don't get me wrong I wish we nothing but the best for you. But I thank you because if she does do something like that. Ill be able to remember your story and your struggle. Then ill be able to think of the strength you were able to find. And then maybe, hopefully I can find that strength also. Thanks for sharing with me! I hope I never have to go through it, but your story could save a life one day. Stay safe, stay strong, and may you fight away your daily demon!