Topic of the discussion
Posted on 4/7/21 5:30 AM
I've been battling this for so long. Its exausting. I tried to get help through my husbands work and they said I needed more help than they could give. They didn't even try. I am so scared to go on medication but I am starting to feel there is no other choice. The dark thoughts come more and more. They are harder to argue against. I feel I have failed at life, and motherhood. My daughter just told me she has suicidal thoughts. I couldnt live if she did anything. How did it get this way? I tried to do everything right. How did I fail so big. I was able to find a therapist for her, but I cant find one for me. And we cant pay for 2. So i sit and cry every day. Wow I sound pathetic.
Beginning of the discussion - 4/8/21It's so hard sometimes https://www.carenity.us/forum/depression/living-with-depression/its-so-hard-sometimes-3235
Posted on 4/8/21 7:25 AM
you are doing the best you can, let’s remember sometimes it’s hard to even just live. I hope you and your daughter feel better. I can tell you one thing. as i’m sitting here crying wondering why i’m even here and searching for the nearest xanax plug for a way out, reading that you don’t know what you’d do without your daughter gives me hope and makes me want to stay alive for my mother ( she has depression as well). so thank you. feel better soon
Posted on 4/9/21 3:08 AM
@Trinity I know how you feel but I am on medication and a lot of more me comes from being left. I tend to think I need someone with me at all times
Posted on 4/9/21 7:26 AM
@Trinity i truly hope it all gets a little easier. I tell myself the same thing. Our children give us that bit of strength necessary to keep trying. We as mothers try to br there for them neglecting our own needs in the process. I get it.
I sit look at my life and really believe that if there is a God.. He must hate me. I want to die all the time but i cant hurt myself. These thoughts invade me. Sometimes I really want to run away. I hate who i am. I don't remember what daily love is like. Since my husband passed i became a person i can not recognize. A person who i hate. I feel like no one understands why i can not sleep at night why the tears roll like rain. I hope i can find a little support here or anywhere before its too late for me. I wish i could be a bandaid for myself and others. Life is so short tomorrow is not promised and feeling stuck with these terrible thoughts and no motivation is hard. Im here right now. Guess i will find out about tomorrow. I wish i could feel a hug an embrace thats real. Its been so long since i felt like i had purpose.
Posted on 4/26/21 9:36 PM
Hello Each sharing resonates deeply - depression overtakes me and while I am not wanting to kill myself or anyone else I want this emotional pain to end and think each day - is this the day I want to commit to going to a psych ward?????? Been to one 6 years ago for ten days = after the sixth day I woke up and for the first time (and I mean the first time I felt "NORMAL" like the dark dark clouds opened up and there was wonderful sunlight - I was 83 at that time. Changed my emotional roller coaster until about six months ago when depression creeped back in. Ihad learned a few things about my illness - what I am doing now is sharing with Ktgeli ShyChante Trinity nirsaashabazz and anyone else that takes the time to write. That is some positive action to take because before I woulds just crawl back to bed in fear and worry -now I have the choice to say to my fear :for many many many times through out my life you have dictated now much I allowed you to control me. it is still an uphill battle but by golly I will not and shall not give up. My next birthday I will be 90 -outlived all my core family and friends - so in addition to being lonely Ino longer drive --have COPD with one left lobe removed. I sense so strongly that I am being heard and that is what I give thanks for. Swede