Topic of the discussion
Posted on 5/21/18 4:22 AM
I feel nothing anymore. The only thing i can cry for or feel happy or laugh at is my 3 little children. My smiles, crys, and laughs are all fake its all for show. Now my co worker's avoud me like the plague and i dont know why i havent done anything to anyone i keep to myself i pull my own weight i guess they can tell something is wrong. Ive always been depressed. But when i met my wife it all seemed to get better until we fell i to a rut where she cometely ignores me and is obsessed with her phone
Beginning of the discussion - 5/21/18I feel nothing anymore - just feel empty https://www.carenity.us/forum/depression/living-with-depression/i-feel-nothing-anymore-just-feel-empty-155
Posted on 5/21/18 4:35 AM
I know what you mean. U feel like nothing but a spot on the floor. I wake up numb and unemotional. I have two kids, who I would die for, and each morning I see their faces and think they deserve more than this, this empty soul. I try to laugh and play with them but it is almost like I don't know how. The days im off work and they are at school, I can't do anything but stare at the walls and wonder if it will get any better. I used to be ok, I used to be normal once. I don't understand where I went wrong. What did I do so wrong, for "God" to make me feel this way? I have gotten used to hidding this feeling, that everyone around me believes that I am ok, but I'm not. Silence is my worst enemy. I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I'm tired of being the disappointment, the underachiever, the black-sheep, the nothing. I want to feel whole again. The fight with my demons will end one day, win or lose.
Posted on 5/21/18 4:43 AM
Im so sorry to hear you feel that way the only thing that really keeps me going are those babies. Just think about it that way no one can love them like you noone will protect them like you thats all that im hear for anymore ive lost myself at this point. I dont know what my hobbies are or my interests are i feel so guilty because i know im not the parent i should be i hate myself i beat myself up every single day and my wife is also clinically depressed and im having to deal with that too it i have such bad thoughts sometimes that i scare myself but i just rhink of my children it keeps me going
Posted on 5/21/18 4:54 AM
My children are my world. When I think of dying, I think of them and how much it would hurt them. I can't do that to them, they deserve everything. It just hurts to know I can't not provide then with that when I hate my self so much. I try to hide it from them bc I do not want them to know how I hurt. I do not want them to know the world as I do. When I think of dying, it is almost like I want a terrible accident to happen bc that would be easier for them then telling them the truth, but then I can not hurt them. They are the only thing that keeps my world turning and they will never know that.
Posted on 5/21/18 5:02 AM
I understand i wish i would just get into a terrible accident and that way they wouldn't hate me. I would never do anything to myself whether its because im so scared to hurt myself or the reasons you gave for my children but when i think of how bad im neglecting them emotionally i hate myself even more. As far as my wife goes she has also fallen into a clinical depression and i think thats where mine started. At first i thought she was cheating she never wanted me to touch her and our money started vanishing. She spent over 1400 woth in 4 months on a video game and we were almost 3 notes behind on our house im just now getting it caught up and we've been completely broke for almost 3 months because of this and its caused me to become angry and resentful to her i almost think i hate her for putting this on me
Posted on 5/25/18 4:32 AM
I wish I was worth something. I just feel like a rug to be stepped on over and over. By family my kids my co workers. I feel like I can’t do anything right. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I rather be alone. And when I can’t I just make myself be busy by cleaning cooking laundry working just trying to make life easier for everyone.. but I am drained I want to be appreciated but I not even the word happy Mother’s Day cane to me!! I know I am slipping and going fast down hill. I just don’t know anymore.
Posted on 5/26/18 9:38 AM
Definitely understand here i know the Feeling especially staring at the walls...feeling worthless and unhappy...trying to make everyone else HAPPY...cant function in a relationship...i cant even cry anymore..its to the point im just down...
Posted on 6/17/18 6:55 PM
I feel so alone and empty. I really don’t want to go on anymore. I am there for everyone and everything but I am just doing the motions when I really want to do is sleep and not wake up anymore. I feel ok writing but I don’t want to talk to anyone I feel like they think I am crazy which I guess I am I can’t control my mind I go to work try to be positive and get knocked down by other coworkers I have no self esteem and no voice to say anything. It just hurts
Posted on 6/19/18 8:15 PM
I hope I don't offend anyone, or break a rule saying this, but ... Those of you believing what you are going through is because God doesn't care, doesn't love you or because you did something so wrong He won't forgive you - those are lies. If you believe there's a God, there is also a need to be aware that there is a powerful enemy who sows seeds of doubt, confusion, self-loathing and so many other issues into our lives to keep us from getting closer to God or abandoning hope altogether. I know that is what it feels like - that God doesn't care. And when we face problems, whatever they may be, it is easy to lose hope. Maybe begin to believe God doesn't even exist. Sometimes we do things that are not pleasing to God, but He still loves us and will forgive us. We need to learn to love and forgive ourselves sometimes.
I believe the emptiness many of us feel is because we lack purpose. We may go through the motions of parenting, working at our jobs or whatever. Maybe we need purpose beyond that. Maybe helping the less fortunate knowing they cannot repay us. Each of us has gifts and abilities we can use to help others. Unfortunately, too often we try to fill that emptiness with things that may comfort us for a moment but are destructive - pornography, alcohol, illegal drugs ... Once the momentary pleasure is over, we are right back where we started.
And if part of the issue is what other people are telling you - that you're fat, lazy, stupid, ugly - whatever it is - as hard as it is, ignore them. It could be that either they are so full of themselves they don't see their flaws or they are so miserable they want you to join them in the misery... Don't do it.
Don't give up. Your life has purpose - keep looking for it.