Topic of the discussion
Posted on 1/12/20 1:39 AM
i never know if how I’m feeling is justified or not. I’ve lost all trust in myself. I can’t trust my friends or family anymore. They all lie to me. They tell me what they think will not upset me. I feel so alone. I try to explain all this to my wife and she just gets mad at me. I feel like a disappointment to her. More like a mental chore. I feel like I’m a bad person because all I do is sit in my bathroom and cry. I stare in the mirror and cry. I hate looking at my body but I do it constantly I can’t help it. It hurts so much but I have to do it. It’s really hard to control my brain all I do is think about all the bad stuff like every time someone hurt me or called me fat it just replays over and over again. I relive those moments everyday. I feel all those feelings again. It’s so bad now that I Am always on edge looking for the next person to hurt me. I don’t trust anyone I can’t. It’s impossible. I feel like everyone is looking at me and judging me or they know a secret that will hurt me and that everyone is laughing at me or out to hurt me in some other way. I don’t want to go to work anymore or even eat. Not that I ate a lot anyways. It’s always been this way for me. It’s just too hard to hide from my family anymore. I was on meds but I don’t have insurance anymore so it’s just super bad now. I don’t know what to do! I’m sorry for the word vomit. But thank you I needed someone to “listen”
Beginning of the discussion - 1/12/20I don’t know what’s real anymore https://www.carenity.us/forum/depression/living-with-depression/i-dont-know-whats-real-anymore-1453
Posted on 1/12/20 3:57 AM
I know exactly how you feel. All I do is cry to myself and I also hate the way I look. I’ve been teased my whole life and now that im an adult I want to love myself but I cant find anything about myself to love. I also dont trust my feelings with anyone, most people will just tell you what they think you want to hear smh. I feel alone and misunderstood by the world. My partner doesn’t get me at all so I live in my personal bubble in my head. I hope things get better for you but just in case it doesn’t Im glad you came here to vent. I want to live and I’m tired of wishing that I was dead so that’s why I’m here. Now we have eachother and this group to express our emotions in a safe place
Posted on 1/12/20 5:12 AM
To you both - I feel the same way too. I have always said I feel like I don't belong on this planet.
Your feelings are NEVER invalid. It IS ok to feel whatever it is you feel. The way we handle it is up to us. Those who do not have such depths simply cannot understand. It's typically not that people don't care, it's that they don't understand and fear the emotions that come with inner truth. Lately, I have found that going somewhere, anywhere, helps perspective. Get out. Get into nature, even for a short time. We are empaths. The world is very tough for us.