Feeling lost and alone and having melt downs

I am a registered nurse who moved from Arizona to years ago to do travel nursing in New Hampshire and Vermont. I decided to stay in the Burlington area and get a full-time job and an apartment because I love the area so much. In the past 2 years I have been terminated from Seven companies both travel assignments and permanent jobs. I walk into work everyday feeling anxious and break into a cold sweat, afraid of what's going to come around the corner because I don't want to be fired again. I have difficulty concentrating but managed to take good care of my clients. I lost a job last Wednesday and since then I have been feeling very tired and also having a hard time falling asleep and staying asleep. I haven't showered in 2 days and I sit on the couch and watch recorded reruns and play games on my phone. I have been a little bit proactive with my job search and I have two interviews this week as well as one last week. I am really starting to question myself worth and my self esteem and confidence have taken a real beating. I live alone but when I'm home I don't even bother getting dressed or taking a shower. If I don't have anywhere to go I stay home and watch TV and play games on my phone. I barely have the energy or the motivation to cook for myself but when I get hungry enough and start to get a headache I go into the kitchen for some food but it's usually something very simple to throw in the oven because I don't feel like cooking which I usually love to do. I have been in Winooski for 6 months and I still really have not explored the area. I only go out if I need groceries or to get laundry done or for the occasional appointment. I am in bed right now with greasy hair and I haven't taken a shower all weekend. I take hot baths and sleeping pills to help you fall asleep at night but it doesn't really help me and I am often up to see the sun come up. I am seeing my doctor this week but it is not my regular doctor so I am not sure if she knows my case well enough to advise me

@LifeLikeLexi I feel like we do that all too often. I try my hardest to not lash out on the one I love, but I know I rely on my spouse a lot ... for physical things and just to listen to me complain about being depressed, my pain, and the way my life is... I know it is a lot to handle.

Why do you say you treat your loved one like "shit"? Is there certain reasons that bring this out? Have you attempted to address your depression with counseling or treatments?

@lisag.4669 I am sorry your are struggling also. Are you still away from Arizona? Were you suffering this while in Arizona? I know when I moved away from family, there were days where depression hit me hard. I recently have moved back and it seems to help be close to friends and family, at least.