Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia

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Posted on

I don't even know where to begin with this.  Too many things going on at once and no where to turn.  So my daughter's father had been laid off and was on unemployment.  That recently ran out and he reapplied for an extension because of the covid but we have not heard anything back.  Money is running out quickly.  So this stress has turned an already abusive relationship even worse.  He calls me the worst names and says the worst things about me.  The other night I think he sensed I've had enough because he told me he has been stressed and been saying things like that just to relieve some of it.  I tell him I dont know how much I can take to which he says he knows but then goes on to tell me he has been having chest pains and all that so now I feel bad for having enough.  Then this morning we try to get intimate. Major fail and he rips me apart totally about it saying he wants to cheat on me and all that.  Mind you no one else I have been with had had any complaints about what I am or am not capable of doing.  Anyway, been numb all day contiplating breaking up and letting him have our daughter.  As I'm cleaning her toys up off the floor bam...appears a spider.  I am panicking so badly and want to make it a point to spray everything but if I so much as mention it all I am met with is oh god get over it, it's part of life.  Had this phobia for life.  The only one that remotely understood was my mom and she is not here anymore.  

Beginning of the discussion - 6/2/20

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


Posted on

So sorry for what you are going through.  Do you guys talk through your stuff?  I watched dr phill and he says lost expectations is the number one cause of relationship failure.  Lack of communications is another down fall.  Sounds like he is having issues of his own.  I hope God blesses you with answers.  Best wishes for you.

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


Posted on

@JMOdegard87 I'm really sorry you're going through all that. Like PattyAnn said, I think communication is really important. I think you've mentioned your relationship before on here but I can't remember, is your partner open to talking to you about all of this or seeing a relationship counselor? It sounds like you're in a really toxic relationship if he treats you that way. 

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


Posted on

Not sure if this applies, however I found it very informative.

https://herway.net/relationship/signs-dating-broken-man/

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


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@PattyAnn we have talked about things several times and all it ends up being is him giving reasons as to how his behavior is justified and how I need to just accept it.  I never get an I'm sorry or anything like that.  If I even dare tell him how things are making me feel it doesn't seem to matter to him.  Quite frankly I'm beginning to believe us staying together for our child isn't doing her any favors because she constantly hears our arguments.  There have been times I have asked him to leave but he refuses to without her.  Almost considering signing over custody to him 

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


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I'm here if there is anythiong that i can do to help, let me know. Stephen

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


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You have to end it, for your well being. I tell this story sometimes to point this fact out: 

You and your daughter are on a life boat, out in the middle of the ocean, and suddenlyl the life boat starts to sink, there is only 1 life jacket, Quick who gets to wear the life jacket? You or your daughter,  quick...its sinking....

You get the jacket, if you give it to your daughter then odds are you both don't make it, on the other hand if you wear the life jacket, you can hold her, and the chances are much better that you both will be saved, rescued.   

Point is that there are some times when we have to put ourselves first, even above our own children. 

I am not saying that this is one of those times, you will have to make that decision, and try to make it with a calm head, after thinking over all the possible outcomes, and then make you wish/prayer to you spirt guides asking them for their guidance, they will help you, and a door will open showing youyour best options on how to resolve this. You must still make the decision which way to go. Women do have an advantage over men in that you have that women's instinct. Use all of those and don't look back, things will get better, I think that you have hit the bottom, its time to start the climb up to a better more productive, happier life.  Good Luck. My heart is with you. I truly want the best for you and your daughter.   

Stephen 

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


Posted on

That is actually a very helpful way of looking at it.  That's the issue, I'm thinking of a the possible what ifs that I'm frozen.  Unsure of how to go about this.  Not wanting to be hated yet knowing that will happen anyway

Going through an abusive relationship and severe phobia


Posted on

Well no matter what decision you make, I will be with you, on your side, got your back, and here to help. I want so bad to just come up there, and take you out of there and away from all of your problems, or at least away from the biggest of them. If I thought it was the best thing I would, but rarely do I jump like that, and I think that its not yet time for such drastic mesures.  If you need me to let me know. I still have a cpl issues here to work out before I'm able to. But it might be coming down to something like that.  Any luck with work, or unemployment.

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