Let's talk about bipolar disorder

Steppy1979 it took years for me to find my favorite therapist. I only went to her for 8 months.  Sadly she died from complications of. Covid. I found another therapist who takes Medicare and we are making some progress.  Good luck to you. Don't  give up! I went to a therapist for 10 years that the best thing I can say about him was he kept me from killing myself. 

  I got in trouble at age 11 for beating up bullies.  I “disappeared” from a seat outside the Principal’s office, went missing a while, then “reappeared.”  Got into Dark Magic, Ouija (spirit) Board, horror movies, learned hypnosis and self-hypnosis.  Wrote and directed a one-act play.  Met a spiritual mentor. Practiced Lucid Dreaming.  Started puberty.  Learned stage illusions and years later a prize-winning magician.  Sang in Philadelphia Boys Choir.  All in my 11th year!

  I was and remain “mondo weird.”  Longtime member of American MENSA Ltd.  Then came the crashing depressions, the fascination with death, dying and suicide, drawing dark energies in my artwork.  I wrote many Artificial Intelligences for architects and engineers, wrote for 7 years for CADENCE Magazine.  Wrote code for The AutoCAD 3D Book (1989-90) including a full 3D animation program in AutoLISP.  

  Supported an 85-person architect firm deep into Computer Aided Drafting.  Developed standard 3D data for furnishings such as office chairs and conference tables.  Git married, lost my mind, got married - and divorced on my wedding night!  Lived in a United Way partial hospital for a year, came to Delaware as a programmer.  When that ended, more suicidal ideation and attempts.  Many, many attempts.  Eliminated from Prozac tests because it made me MORE suicidal.  

  My life is a weird experience so off-kilter it sounds like Sci-Fi and offbeat literature snd experimental theater!!!  When stable I am a “high achiever.”    When manic, delusional and magical thinking.  Output of weird artwork.  Sleeping little and keeping Jane, my “Second And Last Wife” awake with me unril she cracked and called in the straight jacket squad.

  When depressed, sleeping around the clock, then eventually not sleeping at all.  Hallucinations and delusions.  Not eating, Speaking of morbid subjects, or not at all.  Actual attempts by overdose, resulting in hospital and mental ward stays too numerous to count!  

  In 2005, after 34 years of talk-therapy and 30 years of various medications and frequent crisis … in 2005 I FINALLY got the right meds for me.  I gained mental health and life experiences that were positive and profitable.  Today, continuing loyally to my meds and talk-therapy but leading a satisfying life with frequent rewards.  My marriage since Valentine’s Day, 1994 to Jane (Hartman) Segal, is stable and filled with love and mutual support..  My Bipolar has been tamed and I love my life!

I have been on bipolar medication now for 19 years now.  It has made a huge difference in my life.  I went to counseling for quite a few years and that really helped me too.  The only bad thing about taking the bipolar meds is the weight gain that goes along with it.  I am overweight now.  I was anorexic before I started taking the bipolar medications.  

What medicine are you taking

Hi All,

I just joined. I was diagnosed with depression, and then anxiety as a teen. I was put on Zoloft which just made everything worse. I was diagnosed at 36, I am now  39, with Bipolar I after a major manic episode while overseas touring the concentration camps in Poland. Once back home, I ended up in a IOP for a few months, and was in a manic/mixed episode for months. At the same time my husband had an emotional affair with one of my best friends. It was not the best time in my life for sure. I haven't had a big episode since then. It took me over a year to find the right medication. I am now on tegretol, I tried lithium, Zypreza, and Abilify. I have a fantastic psychiatrist that I see a couple of times a year, and an awesome psychologist who I see as needed, usually every couple of months. I have an off day here and there, but I don't know if that is due to bipolar, migraines, or just being human. 

Lately I have felt very up and down, not quite hypomanic, but feel close to it, and I have occasionally been very irritable, and then feel down. I have also had some physical symptoms that I had when manic, sensitivity to light and sound, numbness and weakness on one side of my body. I also started having panic attacks this year, those are not fun. I am watching myself very closely and being honest with my husband (we are in a much better place now), the couple of friends who know what is going on, and my doctors. 

I have tried a few free virtual group sessions, but don't feel like I got much out of it. A lot of the talk is about depression, and I am fortunate that I don't struggle much with that. With my Bipolar I swing towards the manic side. I also realize how fortunate I am to have a great support system, and a career that I absolutely love. I almost feel bad looking for support, since I don't feel like I am that bad off. 

Ok, I am going to stop rambling now. I guess I am here to see if other people are in a similar situation, and also to give and get support where I can. 

 I was 25 when I was diagnosed.   Explained a lot of my weird behaviors and, even though I had good grades, some of my difficulties I had while I was balancing work, family & college. I'd throw books at walls in frustration, not get things done some days at work completely (I ran 7 departments in a small department store.)  Some days I was social.  Other days I forced myself to be at least polite.  I cycled fast. Eventually got a job in my field -psychology- as a case manager .  Saw the inside of every psych ward in our area.  Lithium poisoning on a variety of occasions helped damage my kidneys.  I have a great doctor for 15 years, amazing psychologist I've known a bit over 20 years, and a case manager who treats me with a lot of respect and a sense of humor.  My med regimen has helped, too.  In December I will be 4 years without a hospitalization. 

@Laurenlaw You sound a lot like me and my bipolar.  Feel free to message me if you want to chat I am home every day as I can no longer work due to all the side effects of my medication. Here is my emailkraca@hotmail.com.

@Kelly66 thank you so much! I may take you up of that. 

@Laurenlaw I hate not knowing how to have a conversation on this app seems like when I want to talk to someone I can't let them know I'm here

@Kelly66 Yes, that it frustrating. I guess we can just treat it like email? and just respond when we can?