Living with major depression - Searching for someone who understands to share with

@melissa8305 hi! I'm feeling ok today. I hope your doing good as well. I agree with you absolutely about changing meds. I already know how my body reacts so switching to something else only makes me wonder if it will work (better than) or will there be any side effects that are uncomfortable. I just know that my mood is more sad. I just feel like a sad person. I don't want to do anything! I love to Cook. It's my go to thing when I'm feeling down. But lately I don't even feel like dot that. Before the pandemic, my dream was to open up my own southern cafe one day. I'm trying to remember the last time I was This depressed. I know GOD is working on me though. I know that after this episode is over there will be joy

@melissa8305 Wow, so sorry to hear. Relationships are so complicated. 10 years?  Hard to understand. I am giving myself time to heal and live for myself for a while. When I got my 1st apartment in my 20's I met my ex husband. We got engaged and married with 4 years. I was only independent for a month before he came along. If I was to date again I don't think it will be anytime soon. I still get depressed though. Valentine's day I did well because I have a month old grandson. I spent the day with him and my daughter. It was such a busy day. I enjoyed it a lot. Do you have family members that help you stay busy? I have just started a new antidepressant. It is working well with no issues with bad dreams. I do dream a lot more but only one was bad. I have been on some that gave me terrible dreams. 

@Ms.BK  I truly believe my faith in God has gotten me through some of the darkest times. I look back and wonder how I made it- that's the only explanation. I hope one day you get back to you and are able to open your Cafe. The pandemic has changed alot for many people and deepened depression for those of us already going through it.  My go to is always cleaning when I need a distraction. On Valentines day I had to force myself to stay busy so I wasn't miserable. So I added music to cleaning. I put my headphones on and didn't stop for hours. Music is an amazing relaxation therapy as well. Maybe it would put you in the mood to cook- then once you smell all the good stuff you are cooking up you will remember how much you love it. I hope you are doing well today. Big hugs! 

@Stroebe97 I can understand the independent part. It's very important to grow on your own and learn who you are. My ex husband and I married when I was 21- because I was pregnant. I met him right after my breakup from my high-school sweetheart. So looking back I didn't take time to grow on my own. I wouldn't change a thing- but that's likely why my marriage failed- we were young, immature and married for the wrong reasons. After my divorce I spent years focusing on myself and raising my son. I became the strongest and most independent I ever felt in my life. Then I met my ex- 10 years with him- most were good but the last year has been mentally draining. Family is not very supportive. My mother passed away when I was a child- my father thinks depression is non sense. I have a cousin I talk to a few times a week. I just recently scheduled and appt for counseling as well just to have someone to communicate with. I feel it will help me move forward. I'm glad you enjoyed valentines day. There's nothing more precious than a baby, instant happiness.  I hope you are doing well today! Big hugs!

I'm having a hard time with depression in two ways. Before I met my partner I was a pretty happy girl, then I met the man I love and just to be clear wouldn't change him for the world. I choose him and choose to be with him but he has a deep rooted depression since the age of 12. He watched his mom die, all the women in his life left him or cheated on him. He lives in the past. 

The issue for me is that because of his past, it comes back and haunts me too. When he gets depressed he lashes out on me, blames me for his problems, and stops talking to me for days sometimes weeks. Then when he done being depressed he comes back and is "himself" again. 

He knows I love him, and I know he loves me, but all this is starting to take a toll on me. I will never understand what it's like to loose your mom, have a deadbeat dad and have all women in your life leave. He is suicidal. I know I'm not the best person to talk to for him. 

I guess what I need is a better understanding, how to keep holding on while keeping my health in check, and anything I can do to help his depression process. He won't go for help. So I need help. 

Anyone with advice, or ways that got you to realize that asking for help is not a weakness but strength. 

Hi my nickname is Swede, am a 89 year old retired US Navy. Unknown fears have plagued me most all of my life -still looking for the magic bullet to heal my depression.  Throughout my search I have been hospitalized -in a psych ward another hospitalization for a month for co-dependency, work shops at various  locations throughout the United States been to all 50 states  - traveled the world and it always and still is : I am my own solution - I do not know I am mentally deflective but I am and I do not deserve to be nor  think it is a punishment of sorts.  Need to sign off for now - I have physical exercise session and occupational also.  Hang in there we have all been there and we are still here  - what a mixed up great group we are.   Thank you for listening'

@Bgrimes24 One of the most important things I have learned, is that I am not alone. I used to think I was. You would be surprised at the number of people you may see in your life who struggle with depression.

I can relate to all you have spoken of. Depression affects many areas of my life. And yes, I ve wanted to quit many times. But I am practicing living with my depression and the feelings associated with this disease. When I'm depressed I have to remember, I'm probably not thinking clearly and I am prone to make a bad decision. My higher power, prayer, meditation, meds, professional help. Every tool I can use I need. Don't give up. Your never alone and you never know what great days are headed your way!  Sharing with you helps me to feel better. So thank you.

I understand the struggle, I've been struggling with major depression since elementary school, and never got any easier as I got older. I have been hospitalized twice cause of suicidal thoughts and actions and I'd be good for a while on the meds and then they would stop working and I would start slipping back into that depression. it's like this heaviness that I have to carry around day in and day out and I feel like it just gets worse as time goes on and nobody really understands and they never will unless they go through it themselves, I wouldn't wish these feelings on anyone.

I totally understand you all.  I don't even want to get out of bed.  I force myself and get up, get dressed and brush my teeth and hair.  I do things only when I have to, and that is with GREAT effort.  I do not enjoy anything in my life any more.  I am only 58, but feel (mentally, emotionally and physically) that I am 158!  I am tired of trying, tired of continued failure, tired of feeling like there is no hope, tired of life. 

Dear Friends,

i too struggle with loneliness and depression. It feels like I am not living. My husband is so loving, and I feel I am sometimes critical of him. 

We don’t have children and are retirement age, people all seem to have kids and grandkids.  Sometimes we lack a community, and it feels so lonely just the two of us.