Relationships and chronic illness: When should you talk about your condition?
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When you're starting a new relationship with someone - be it romantic or platonic - when is the best time to talk about your illness? Do you bring it up straight away? Do you wait? How do you go about it?
@LydiaO'D @AlexanderWilder0414 @Maria1362 @DiamondNaree26 @Sssnicky @lddaley @chrissy62 @agwatkins75 @Irishsuly @Hkleague @BPruitt31 @Russprin @Vernalexander @Madda11 @Bighearted123 @Mrsmcfarland88 @Rwardzoo
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I like to disclose my illnesses early in a relationship be it platonic or romantic. If that's a deal breaker, it's best I find out early. I'd like to know how others feel about the subject.
@linco515 Thank you for sharing your feedback!
How do people usually react? Have you had good or bad surprises?
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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US
Hi Courteney- I've gotten both good and bad surprises. Someone I was friends with since childhood labeled me as "crazy." I've had mostly good reactions, however, because I can usually intuit who will have compassion and empathy, and those who would just not understand. It's very disheartening to find out a friend or potential friend doesn't understand about invisible illnesses, and writes us off as "crazy."
I'm sorry this happened to you but we find the same situation but in a different way. We have retired and find that since I'm in the severe range, most friends don't understand why we can't go out with them to eat or come over. I am ok sitting in my chair for hours but not other chairs, esp a hard one, I can't walk for long because my back or my hip starts hurting too bad. I have difficulties using the bathroom and have accomodations I use at home so that presents a problem when away from the home. You are correct in finding out who will support you or not. Only have people who are positive or helpful in your life. Nobody needs anyone to be telling them that they are crazy. NOBODY! The problems I have doesn't mean you will have them because I was diagnosed late in life. Be of good courage and hang in there. Bless you.
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@CDKennedy Hello. I am just seeing your response now. Hope you are well. Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I am in the severe range as well, so I understand. Hope to talk again sometime. Bless you.
@linco515 I now have a hospital bed at home. I raise the head of the bed and use the rails to help me get in and out of bed. I don't use the "trapeeze" (yet) and have taken it down to make it easier. I use a large wedge to raise my knees up to help take the pressureoff my back. I already have a lift chair because I can't get out of chairs. Using a walker inside and outside. My wife has to help me with a lot of daily day items like picking up things I drop, putting shoes and socks on and off and sometimes more of the dressing activity. I tried Humira for a year but the damage is too severe and it didn't help. Now just take Advil. I hope some of this helps you as you try to manage your A.S. :)
@linco515 As far as the discussion goes, I don't think the inlaw family undestands at all. They don't ask how I am doing or want to help. Our kids understand somewhat because they see how I am and help us with moving the beds around, cleaning up, taking big items to the trash bin (We live in an apt.) We moved from our house to an apt. because we were unable to take care of a house. We have a couple of good friends who will ask how we are doing and offer to help us whenever. We rarely ask for help because we try to do what we can by ourselves for now. Additional helpwill be needed later. Some other friends we thought were good friends have pretty much have no comunication with us. We feel it is because we can't go out like we used to. We found out who really are good friends and who aren't as we go thru "adventure." Between Covid and A.S. we rarely get out. Mainly for Dr visits. Sometimes we go to the store but usually have it delivered. My wife is disabled as well so we both just have the mindset that this is the way of our lives now and try to keep a positive attitude. It helps tremendously that we are followers of Jesus. Again I hope this info helps you.
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