Feeling completely worn out by everything

I am 62, have been dealing with CPTSD and’s the accompanying depression since childhood; resulting from childhood abuse, neglect and abandonment.

i had four daughters, a failed marriage, have being trying to reconnect with my older sister after 45 years of not knowing where she was.  I have no relationships with my daughters at their choice. I have tried for years to heal our relationships to no avail.  One daughter died but the rest have no interest in healing, will not even consider counseling because they do not want to address / change any of their bad decisions; only keep telling why everything is my fault.  My youngest has wiped me out financially and now won’t even speak to me.

i am on disability for severe back degeneration and had two surgeries in early 2020 that went very wrong and left me unable to stand out walk for more than five minutes or about 100 feet, I am stuck on pain management and opioid pain meds for the rest of my life.

 I’m tired.  I’m exhausted.  I really no longer care anymore.  I no longer care if the rent gets paid.  Or I figure out how to pay off the credit cards my daughter ran up.

i am diabetic and have kidney disease. I don’t even take my insulin or meds half the time. I just sit and stare at the walls or sleep.

Anyone else feel like this?

Hello @Kari.k‍, thank you for opening this discusison and sharing what you've been going through. It sounds like you've really been through a lot -  troubled relationships, chronic illness and mental illness, I can imagine it's a lot to try to carry on your own. 

Can anyone else relate to what Kari.k's feeling? Have you ever just felt overhwelmed and exhausted by your depression and the things you're going through in your life? What do you do to get past this feeling? Is there someone or something you turn to for support?
@Trinna64‍ @maknepp963‍ @Country78‍ @ElijahhFinne‍ @EBR0202‍ @1965shawna‍ @Jessicap84‍ @Geegee334‍ @Kitten59‍ @horses45‍ @nameless‍ @Oliv.1‍ @Verna2‍ @BamMorgan‍ @Phil333‍ @Donaldpng‍ @alecx8234‍ @Rach98‍ @skye2021‍ 

Feel free to share any advice or support here!

Take care,
Courtney

I am going through alot of the same thing. I am 62 years old and suffer from major depression since 2007. I have no contact with my only child and grandchildren at their wish. I have tried many many times to ask for forgiveness for whatever I did. But to no avail. What do you do after every effort is exhausted? I get so depressed from not seeing or hearing from them. By accident I found out I am going to be a great grandma and that really caused me anxiety and depression. Any help would be appreciated.

@Jsjones1959 

i am so sorry you are experiencing the same horrible thing.

I don’t have any answers for you sadly.  For me, I accepted that I wasn’t a perfect mom; I was far from it, but I also know that I did the best I could. Never did I every wake up and say to myself that “I don’t care what happens to my girls, this is my life and I am going to do what makes me happy.”  There were also other people involved who played into losing my two oldest.  My ex’s mother wanted them and she had him take them and give them to her.  I spent 10 yrs and almost $100,000 to lawyers fighting them until I couldn’t come up with anymore money and had to walk away.

 Because of all of that I was extremely depressed and didn’t even know shot PTSD and how it was affecting me.

 So I no longer waste energy blaming myself or trying to figure out a way to “fix it”.  This is their choice and they are adults.  I have no say in what car they buy or clothes or what music they listen to and I have to say in this decision.

But everyday it hurts.  I see so many people with good relationships with their grown children; their children coming to help them and make sure they are ok.

i find I spend most of my time wondering what they will say /do when I’m gone.  Will they even care? 

@Jsjones1959 at this time, I have it set up that they will not be notified but I can never be sure if my wishes will be honored.  Or will they then cry, be sorry?

My best advice is live in the moment, find things that make you happy and focus on that.  Make a list everyday of things that made you smile that day and retrain yourself to look for the positive rather than the negative.

 Reach out for support if you need it.  I’ll try and help if I can

 Karen