Topic of the discussion
Posted on 8/21/21 3:56 AM
I'm not quite sure how to start this, but Im going to try my best.
Sometimes falling away from our own life's, is the only way we can stop the pain...
I've just got out of prison in june, and needless to say, it's been hard. I got out and I started to put my life back together.ive been sober for over 600 days,Paying my child support, taking care of my mom, paying my own bills, seeing doctors, and a therapist, to try to get my mental illness, and my mental health under control. One of the worst things that someone like me can go through, is being told or shown that what we did was simply not good enough. I've been working at my job, which I love and am really good at, for about three weeks, this past Monday, I got some unpleasant news from my custody attorney, and low and behold, I have to wait to even get a court date to see my boy again(his mother has illegally withheld him from me for going on 4 years now).
I was at work on Monday, and I started to feel overwhelmed,(headache,breathing far too heavy,dizzy,stuttering when I would try to talk,all the normal symptoms for a panic attack, atleast when I have them).,I'm on a forklift at my work, literally all day long, i then informed my boss "hey its not a great idea for me to be on a lift right now, I should go see my doctor and let you guys know what she says".
I was employed through a staffing agency, and since that has happened, starting this past Monday, between, the staffing agency and the place I was working at, even though I brought back 2 different doctors notes clearing me to go back to work, it's not good enough for either of them. With everything in my life, i sincerely sit back and ask myself, why even stay sober?...but it's not about that for me anymore, after this week i ask myself....
Why should I even keep going...
Between everything I just described, and what has happened to me, since I've been trying so hard, and knowing there's a chance I may never get my boy back...
It's not a plan...it's a declaration of intent... and for this...
The hour glass has turned...
Beginning of the discussion - 8/24/21How do you find the motivation to keep going? https://www.carenity.us/forum/depression/living-with-depression/the-hour-glass-has-turnedwhy-stopping-the-pain-3683
Posted on 8/24/21 11:16 PM
@Mick31311 Hey, don't give up. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to get yourself to the right place both mentally and then in your life with your job and responsibilities. Hang in there, when things are at their darkest there's always some sort of light that shines through. Either the agency or the company will either see reason or you'll find another job and get back on your feet. What's important is that you realized you weren't in a good place and got help. Taking care of yourself and your mental health is important, the rest will fall into place. Take care of yourself and stay strong!
Posted on 10/21/21 3:57 PM
Life is a test. And it gets hard. You start contemplating if you belong on earth anymore or not. But you belong here. You need to win this fight. You will past this test. And go on. Life, and everything in it will hurt so bad. You will cry, there will be people that will make you feel that you are not want but you must IGNORE THESE PEOPLE! Because you have a reason to live, you have a purpose to go on. You need to continue on living. No matter how hard it gets. No matter how mean those people are. No matter how dark those thoughts get. Because it will be worth it in the end. You need to live, no just for the others around you, but for you! You may feel lied to when people say “ it will get better” or “it will be okay” but why were you put on this earth just to suffer? You weren’t! I’m not lying, I’m still hurting as I’m writing this, but as I saw others lives get better that encouraged me to fight. That helped live. Yes! Live! Don’t just exist, live! You were put on this earth for reason, you have to find that reason! I promise you have a reason! Go ahead, find it! Make good memories, for when your older, you look back and laugh…smile more! Be good to yourself, when those mean people say something smile and walk away, they’re just going through something themselves, maybe even talk to them! Your wanted, loved, and needed! Live your life! Xoxo
Posted on 10/21/21 5:09 PM
Hi @jasmine1092 and @Imsad:(, thank you for your comments, this is what Carenity is all about!
@Mick31311 How are you doing now?
For others who have been through dark periods, how did you get through it? What helps you find the strength and motivation to keep going when things are hard?
@Fall2020 @Jocelyn1234555 @imjadenow @beebop @ShyPanda @Chairity @toiejoe @Janicekayy91 @Uniweirdo @Peekai @lashondalytle @aniyahcam @Mille2e6 @Ae62201 @bruinsnruins @marthamichalak13 @jessicaalman
Don't hesitate to share your stories and advice with us here, we're all here to support one another!
Posted on 10/21/21 5:11 PM
I don’t really know
Posted on 10/21/21 5:19 PM
My son and dog help me to keep going when things get dark.
Posted on 10/22/21 5:13 PM
@toiejoe I’m struggling with looking towards my kids it’s really hard I had my dog he was like my ESA but he got very sick last year and had to be put down it was so hard I had him since he was a puppy he was 10 1/2 would have been 11 that December after I said goodbye I was at the hospital and gave birth to my 3rd the next day she came early I think it was from my dog but it’s still very hard let alone have someone keep putting u down more then you already feel and don’t help out when u need the most let alone with there kids put it all on me
Posted on 10/23/21 4:55 PM
My pets ♥. My family is in denial. I'm widowed .no kids. Isolation is hard and dealing with covid. Animals make so many things better.they are a constant in our life and accept us unconditionally ❤
Posted on 10/28/21 2:17 AM
I haven't been managing to keep going. But, I took a shower and that's something. Tomorrow is another day to deal with morning waking up,, that's hardest for me. I plan on taking some barbecue ribs over to my mother's since she likes them so much. I have to care of number one and I'm realizing the effort just may be worth it. Small steps, small steps. My mom is so pleasant at 94 years old and in such good shape, it's a treat to see her. Otherwise I get out too little.