Why should I even keep going?

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Patients Depression

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Posted on

I'm not quite sure how to start this, but Im going to try my best.

Sometimes falling away from our own life's, is the only way we can stop the pain...

I've just got out of prison in june, and needless to say, it's been hard. I got out and I started to put my life back together.ive been sober for over 600 days,Paying my child support, taking care of my mom, paying my own bills, seeing doctors, and a therapist, to try to get my mental illness, and my mental health under control. One of the worst things that someone like me can go through, is being told or shown that what we did was simply not good enough. I've been working at my job, which I love and am really good at, for about three weeks, this past Monday, I got some unpleasant news from my custody attorney, and low and behold, I have to wait to even get a court date to see my boy again(his mother has illegally withheld him from me for going on 4 years now).

I was at work on Monday, and I started to feel overwhelmed,(headache,breathing far too heavy,dizzy,stuttering when I would try to talk,all the normal symptoms for a panic attack, atleast when I have them).,I'm on a forklift at my work,  literally all day long, i then informed my boss "hey its not a great idea for me to be on a lift right now, I should go see my doctor and let you guys know what she says".

I was employed through a staffing agency, and since that has happened, starting this past Monday, between, the staffing agency and the place I was working at, even though I brought back 2 different doctors notes clearing me to go back to work, it's not good enough for either of them. With everything in my life, i sincerely sit back and ask myself,  why even stay sober?...but it's not about that for me anymore,  after this week i ask myself....

Why should I even keep going...

Between everything I just described, and what has happened to me, since I've been trying so hard, and knowing there's a chance I may never get my boy back...

It's not a plan...it's a declaration of intent... and for this...

The hour glass has turned...

Beginning of the discussion - 8/24/21

Why should I even keep going?


Posted on

@Mick31311 Hey, don't give up. It sounds like you're doing everything you can to get yourself to the right place both mentally and then in your life with your job and responsibilities. Hang in there, when things are at their darkest there's always some sort of light that shines through. Either the agency or the company will either see reason or you'll find another job and get back on your feet. What's important is that you realized you weren't in a good place and got help. Taking care of yourself and your mental health is important, the rest will fall into place. Take care of yourself and stay strong!

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