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  • Living with ankylosing spondylitis
  • AS and Intimacy
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Living with ankylosing spondylitis

AS and Intimacy

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avatar SouthernBelle

SouthernBelle

05/27/2020 at 4:51 PM

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avatar SouthernBelle

SouthernBelle

Last activity on 07/21/2020 at 6:27 PM

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7 comments posted | 6 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group


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Hi y'all, I hope this isn't too "taboo" for our community, but I'm really looking for advice. I've had AS for many years now and I've been married going for almost 15. My husband is really understanding and supportive with my AS, but he's really afraid of being intimate together (afraid of hurting me, of starting a flare up, etc.). I guess what I'm wondering is how you all cope with this? How do you cope with lack of intimacy? Do your partners also feel like this? I'm at such a loss and I don't know what to do.

 

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avatar Courtney_J

Courtney_J

Community manager
05/27/2020 at 5:16 PM

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avatar Courtney_J

Courtney_J

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Last activity on 08/08/2022 at 11:09 AM

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1,339 comments posted | 23 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group

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@SouthernBelle Hello SouthernBelle, thank you for starting this discussion. Intimacy is an important part of life as a couple, and it's important that you both be comfortable communicating with each other. Let me tag some members who may be able to share their experience or advice with you.

Hello all, I hope you're doing well. How do you handle intimacy in your relationship? Have you experienced hesitancy with your partner? Can you share any experiences or advice with SouthernBelle?

@Kmartin143‍ @pnj0113‍ @Shadora‍ @Dyllan‍ @Justmichelle91466‍ @Jillybug‍ @Jodyolson69‍ @toniboroni123‍ @Wiederich‍ @bhoney4829‍ @Kaykayloveee‍ @Claracaïl‍ @Philippa‍ @Twinburl‍ @stimpe‍ @Helen_alin‍ @MaryW7‍ 

Take care,

Courtney

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Courtney_J, Community Manager, Carenity US


AS and Intimacy https://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-ankylosing-spondylitis/as-and-intimacy-1973 2020-05-27 17:16:00

avatar MaryW7

MaryW7

05/28/2020 at 4:41 PM

avatar MaryW7

MaryW7

Last activity on 04/16/2020 at 3:48 PM

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2 comments posted | 2 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group


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Hi guys! Honestly haven't had any intimacy in my marriage for awhile. Embarrassingly so. But not because of RA. I had breast cancer, a full mastectomy with reconstruction. He never initiates anything, I'm sure he's unsure how to proceed being everything has changed, and he's really concerned about hurting or embarrassing me or himself. He would be the same with the RA.  Probably should get back in the saddle.....

 

Mary


AS and Intimacy https://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-ankylosing-spondylitis/as-and-intimacy-1973 2020-05-28 16:41:55

avatar SouthernBelle

SouthernBelle

05/28/2020 at 4:48 PM

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avatar SouthernBelle

SouthernBelle

Last activity on 07/21/2020 at 6:27 PM

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7 comments posted | 6 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group


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@MaryW7 Thank you for replying. I know exactly what you mean. I think my husband is embarassed too. I'd like to figure out how to reassure him that it's gonna be ok and that he's not gonna break me but I'm just not sure how to go about it.


AS and Intimacy https://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-ankylosing-spondylitis/as-and-intimacy-1973 2020-05-28 16:48:29

avatar nomasAS

nomasAS

05/28/2020 at 6:32 PM

avatar nomasAS

nomasAS

Last activity on 09/26/2023 at 11:23 PM

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23 comments posted | 15 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group


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@SouthernBelle Hi, I don't know what your situation is, i.e. to what extent your AS affects you, but I'm sure that behind your partner's "fear" may be a lack of communication. Talk to him and tell him that the situation doesn't suit you, reassure him, take initiatives to make your relationship as smooth as possible, but above all, talk to him. That's the way I would go about it, but maybe other people are going through a similar situation and will be able to give you other solutions. Chin up, everything will work out if you both want it. emoticon heart


AS and Intimacy https://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-ankylosing-spondylitis/as-and-intimacy-1973 2020-05-28 18:32:01

avatar rwilsonjr67

rwilsonjr67

06/09/2020 at 7:09 PM

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avatar rwilsonjr67

rwilsonjr67

Last activity on 03/16/2025 at 8:31 PM

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7 comments posted | 7 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group


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Hello all, 

From a male perspective, my wife and I have been married going on 28 years and I or I should say we have been dealing with my AS for almost all those years. As with your spouses, my wife was afraid intimacy would either injure me or make it worse. Communication is the key. I was finally able to convince her that I  will be fine and sex actually makes the pain easier to deal with and sometimes goes away completely(temporarily) due to the rush of endorphins. Also, I tell her that if I do increase my pain, that I can’t think of a better way to do it. 🤡


AS and Intimacy https://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-ankylosing-spondylitis/as-and-intimacy-1973 2020-06-09 19:09:48

avatar mark48

mark48

06/12/2020 at 6:56 PM

avatar mark48

mark48

Last activity on 05/13/2022 at 5:01 PM

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17 comments posted | 14 in the Living with ankylosing spondylitis group


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@rwilsonjr67 I agree. From another male perspective, it really does help (temporarily, like you said) with the endorphins. And it's just great emotionally. You just have to be a bit creative and find a position that works for you and communicate with each other. It definitely doesn't help with the fatigue though ! 😂


AS and Intimacy https://www.carenity.us/forum/other-discussions/living-with-ankylosing-spondylitis/as-and-intimacy-1973 2020-06-12 18:56:00

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