I feel like I'm in a loop and no one is listening to me

@Paytonjessharper i just want my mom to love me. she digs herself in work and when she has her weekends off she’d rather go out instead of spending time with her kids she’s never there for special holidays nor birthdays and i’m tired of taking care of my little sister while my mom goes out and has fun i’m just a teenager and i’m missing out on my own childhood for her responsibility. she outed me out to my family which sucked but i still forgave her. let’s not forget when i told her, her brother groped me for 2 years when i was 8 but she didn’t believe me like wtf...

@gothskullz I'm sorry that ever happened to you. I don't want to say you have a neglectful mother but that's what it sounds like from my end. Have you looked at options to maybe go live with someone else? Remove yourself from the situation? I know none of this is easy to do but just wondering if you have looked at options. Sometimes the best thing to do is leave. 

@Paytonjessharper i actually moved out to live with my dad and sister a year ago but i’m still taking care of my little sister. it sucks because i feel like she doesn’t love me and i try so hard to be good for her. i’ve never had affection growing up nor my mom or dad tell me they love me until now (my dad) like this year (i’m 17 btw) and it makes me feel very uncomfortable my dads way of showing me love is by buying me things i have no reaction because i feel like he’s gonna take it away any time soon and then see that i actually showed interest in it. he says how i don’t show any reaction and how i’m ungrateful but i’m just scared of showing my emotions. 

@Paytonjessharper last year (10th grade) was the hardest year for me i was in a really bad place and almost took my life i don’t regret it i wish everyday that i died. know-one listened to me i begged my older sister to help me out and she said she would but ignored my messages and phone calls after for 3 months straight. i begged my second eldest sister for help as well but she said that i should just get a job to help myself out. my eldest brother was a druggie in and out of jail so he couldn’t help me. school giving me shit tons of hw i broke down that was the last straw so i stopped giving a fuck about myself stopped taking care of myself i wouldn’t shower for weeks nor brush my teeth because of how mentally unstable i was. i felt paralyzed in my bed i felt like a burden. still do but i’ve gotten a little better since covid started

@gothskullz lord that sounds almost exactly like my boyfriend of 2 years. And I'm actually struggling with his depression. So I'm gonna talk to you from my side which is probably what your dad goes through similar as me. Just so you can get more of an understanding. So....my boyfriend at 12 years old saw his mother die, he has a dead beat dad, a sister he don't talk to, all the women in his life has left him and majority cheated on him. So he's me meeting him, our first 3 months of dating I thought everything was fine, then out of the blue he broke up with me. I was blindsided and confused. So I left to Alaska for a job (I lived in FL.) While in FL a woman did the same thing he did to me and he came back apologized and admitted that he missed me and wanted me back so I did because to me he was my person and I purely loved him. He told me he broke up with me because of his depression and thought about killing himself and didn't want me tied to that. I told him that's stupid of you to make that choice for me because I rather love you in the last of your days. 

So two years later the road been hard. He doesn't know how to communicate and shuts down, ignores me for days or 2 weeks (so far the longest he gone) and then when he done being depressed he comes back but I can still see the depression is there. He blames me mostly for the things that go wrong or bad, treats me like I may have cheated on him cause he's always expecting the worse, because "history repeats itself" which is not true. But he set on that he doesn't deserve love which is why he has a hard time with me. It puts a toll on me and hurts me too but he don't see it. And it's hard for someone like me and your dad to tell you how you're making us feel when we know it's not entirely your fault. 

So basically your dad is trying. Let's give him some credit. It's definitely weird for you because you never received it and some how unsubconsciously your mind it trying to get you to Sabatoge it. Now while I recognize that your dad wasn't always the best dad, try to see the progress he making along with yours. People who have to watch someone close to them go through depression can be rough. It can make is feel under-appreciated. The fact is we are not mind readers and do not know the right things to say to someone with depression without triggering it. So maybe with your dad work with him, let him know what you think will work best for you, will help you, and things you'll try to do for him, like show more appreciation when you can (it can be small) . 

Again I'm just relating this to my situation I'm going through. You don't have to take my advice 

As for your mom, she may never come around but know this....your worth is not measured by your family, its measure by you and you only. Love yourself, do you, be you, and don't let anyone take what makes you, YOU, away from you. 

@gothskullz my boyfriend tried to take his life too. Idk what stopped him but I'm glad he did but he still sleeps with guns by his bed. Just know someone will care if you die. I wish I could tell you who and help take your pain away but I'm not God so I can't. 

Sometimes people get scared and don't know what to do so they ignore and while it's wrong, I can understand how it's scary for the outside party. 

I won't tell you what you should do, I'm no therapist but try to find those that do love you. A broken heart is just one that have been loved. But I promises it can mend. And I promise people do see the amazing spirit inside of you. Life fucking sucks! But damn the journey though, it's amazing. This I can confirm. I've had my darkest days. Heck I'm going through it now. But I have to keep reminding myself that it does get better somehow. Right now I don't see happiness in the horizon but eventually I'll get there. And you will too 

@Paytonjessharper thank u so much! for listening to me i actually feel a lot better and will be taking ur advice thank u again!!

@gothskullz glad I could help in some small way. 

I know what depression is like. I am depressed as well. I can also listen well.