How do I deal with past trauma? Let's share our experiences!
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Dima38
Dima38
Last activity on 09/24/2020 at 3:42 AM
Joined in 2020
8 comments posted | 1 in the Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses group
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13 years ago my older brother murdered my mother and father and tried to kill me as well, but luckily I and youngest brother survived until authorities arrived and took us away from the scene of the crime. But it took the authorities several days to get there because I stayed near my parents bodies until one of our neighbors called them.
My brother and I ran off from the authorities in fear of what they would do to us, so we lived on the streets and metros for the next 8 years until we both joined the military. But joining the military was my biggest mistake in my life because my little brother died due to my choices in life.
One day my brother and I were on a scouting mission to check for survivors of a previous engagement, but as we went he saw something sticking outside of the ground, so he went to investigate it. As he walked near it he accidentally stepped on it and blew up, if I had realized that we were in a minefield I would've sent him back to base and gone on myself.
He barely survived the explosion but barely. He lost three of his limbs and his face and skull were deformed to the point to where he couldn't survive for long, so I put him down out of mercy.
It haunts me, I wake every morning and consider suicide. I have resorted to drugs and alcohol to deal with the pain. I wish I were the dead one and not him.
I need to talk to someone about it and maybe help me somehow forget about everything or to at least district myself from it and move on.