People who have lost a love one

Hello my name is betty I'm from Anaheim, ca it's really hard to get help out here. The fees are so expensive, well I recently lost my child who was 19 .he was in a car accident , and passed away he was almost home only 2 blocks away. I feel so sad and so confused so not wanting to except the fact that this happend. I have 4 other children or teens actually in which I need to help with this grieve but how do I help them if I can't help myself.  I blame myself because at the time I wasn't myself I was out with my friends partying instead of being home. I was just confused and would go out so I wouldn't deal with myself and my ways of handling problems. I know I am wrong for blameing myself but I feel that if there's others who can relate to this maybe we can help each other.loseing a love one is the worst pain anyone can go through please let's help each other out and support others out there .thankyou