Talking about depression: Orjeta writes for those who find it hard to open up

Being the one who listens, but finding it hard to confide in others

Orjeta is of Albanian origin and has lived in France for more than 18 years. As the eldest in her family, she took on responsibilities early and became the person others turned to when something was wrong. Listening taught her to be more empathetic. Talking about herself was another matter.

“My feelings, my difficulties, anything to do with me, I thought I had to deal with it on my own, without help and without talking about it.”

Even when she did open up, she sometimes regretted it afterwards. She worried that she was going over the same things and becoming a burden, even though that was far from the case. “But that’s how it feels,” she says. What she feared most was weighing down the people she loved.

Writing had given her another way to express herself since childhood. During her depression, it helped her put her feelings into words. Later, she discovered something else in those pages: when she read them back, she could see what she had been through and notice progress she hadn’t recognised at the time.

Accepting help when everything feels muddled

Studying law had given Orjeta an appreciation for clarity, precision and order. She remembers how difficult it became to find that sense of order, even in everyday tasks.

Two decisions mattered to her: seeking professional help and accepting support from the people close to her. In her appointments, she found a place where she could speak without feeling judged. For Orjeta, the decision to seek help was one she needed to make for herself. The appointments also gave her some structure. She could ask questions, try the exercises suggested to her and explore those ideas further through reading.

“My reading, my exercises and my routines all started to make sense because they were grounded in the support I was getting.”

Understanding what was happening helped loosen the hold of a belief she had carried for a long time: that she should be able to get through depression by willpower alone. It is a misconception she would like to see disappear. From the outside, she says, it isn’t always possible to see how much effort an ordinary day takes.

“The pain is real. You can smile, work, be there for other people and still feel terrible inside.”

What changed one day when she paid attention to the present

Asked for an example of something that helped, Orjeta recalls an unlikely moment: taking the rubbish downstairs. The task was the same as ever. What changed was where she directed her attention. On the way down, she looked around her instead of following one dark thought into the next. Even now, she says, she finds pleasure in those ordinary moments.

At other times, she talked to herself out loud. Hearing her own words helped her step back from the harsh things she was saying about herself. On days when she had little energy, finishing one small task sometimes gave her enough momentum to start another.

To picture the future, she imagined a television series with several seasons. An episode could be painful without telling her how the rest of the story would unfold. When it was hard to believe things could change, she could still imagine that the next season might be better.

Fulfilling a childhood dream with her grandfather’s support

Orjeta had already put a great deal of time into projects she ultimately kept to herself. With Sortir de l’ombre, she faced two challenges: finishing the book she had long dreamed of writing and sharing a part of her life that even some of those closest to her knew nothing about.

Her grandfather, who was by her side when she began writing, supported her throughout the project. He died in 2026. For Orjeta, finishing the book was also a way to honour him.

What finally persuaded her to share her writing was the memory of all the times she had wanted to talk but couldn’t find a way to begin. She imagined a guide someone could open in private, read at their own pace and perhaps use to start a conversation with someone they trusted.

A guide you can open at the page you need

Orjeta built her book around four steps drawn from her experience: understanding depression, challenging stigma, expressing feelings and putting ideas into practice. It brings together explanations, ideas from her reading in psychology, self-assessments and exercises. She arranged the chapters with difficult days in mind, when reading a whole book might feel out of reach. Readers can spend time with one section, skip another and come back to it later.

She also made a deliberate choice not to describe the painful events of her life in detail. She didn’t want readers comparing their experiences with hers and wondering whether what they were going through was serious enough, or similar enough, to deserve help.

“You can stay on the same step for a long time, or even go back down a step. That doesn’t mean you’ve failed.”

Orjeta is clear about what her book can offer. She lists the sources she consulted, but her manuscript was not reviewed by a healthcare professional. The ideas she shares are ones she found useful alongside her own care. She presents the book as a companion to medical or psychological support. Diagnosis and decisions about starting or changing treatment are matters for healthcare professionals.

For loved ones: being there even when you can’t find the words

Orjeta also wrote for people who see someone they love struggling and don’t know what to say. She remembers what it meant simply to have someone listen, even when she felt she was repeating herself. In her experience, being available can mean a great deal. So can offering to help book an appointment or go along, if that is what the person wants. She also wants those offering support to know that they are allowed to look after themselves.

“You don’t have to understand everything or find the right words to reach out. And above all, look after yourself too. It’s easier to help when you’re not exhausted.”

To anyone holding back for fear of being a burden, Orjeta wants to pass on something she took a long time to accept herself: your pain deserves to be heard. You don’t have to justify it or compare it with anyone else’s.

She hopes readers will remember that recovery takes time. So does making sense of difficult feelings and past trauma. She wants people to feel able to take that time without rushing or judging themselves.

“Pushing feelings away doesn’t make them disappear. Letting yourself feel them can help you get through them. Being vulnerable has never been a weakness. Everyone faces it at some point in life. Admitting that you’re not doing well takes a lot of courage.”

For Orjeta, there is one very personal measure of what this first book might achieve:

“If my book helps even one person find the courage to talk about it and start to feel better, then it will have done what I hoped.”

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