I’m depressed, deep in thoughts, feeling hopeless

Hi, I’m currently going through the same thing and it’s miserable. I miss feeling like myself. Who knew mental illness could physically hurt this bad. Just feels like things could never get better. 

I have been suffering from borderline personality disorder, PTSD, Bi-Polar disorder, major depressive disorder, anxiety disorder, suffered from traumas sexually. I have felt so guilty n ashamed all of my life since I was 15, and tried to take my life 3 x and self-mutilated my body by cutting and burning. I feel I'll be free and I rightly need and deserved to be punished by having my bare bottom spanked good by someone who really cares for and loves me unconditionally in order for me to openly cry out about my guilt and shame I have locked down deep inside of me that is slowly killing me. Am I wrong to feel this way? 

@Alamb6886‍ You shouldn’t feel guilty because it’s not your fault of what had happen to you. The people that abuse you they was in the wrong don’t punish your self for their wrongdoing Ashley 

@Alamb6886  Hi Alamb6886...I literally was online googling for groups going through depression, anxiety or whatever the case may be. I too am in a rut and feel horrible about  myself and feel bad for my family whom has to watch it. I have also been through similar trauma with PTSD and there are times it is unbearable!  I have to agree with Ashleyj, you have nothing to feel guilty about we can't let what those evil individuals did to us dictate our out coming. I say this to be helpful but also struggle with it daily so I too need to take my own advise. lol. You can feel all of those feelings for a moment, but don't let them sit there. Guilt, fear, insecurity, shamefulness, angst, all of them are going to surface but we need to not allow them to set camp. We are human and deserve to feel joy and worth tomorrows sun. Guess I like to talk!  Shawna