I’m 26 years old with 8 total relationships that have shattered every part of myself. Mentally,physically,and emotionally. Manipulation, cheating, abuse, rejection,embarrassment, each painful lesson took parts of me and ripped them from me before I ever realized I was losing who I am. The once cheerful eyes woman with a smile big enough to cover her face became toxic to not just herself but anyone that tries to come into my life. I cannot bring myself to trust a single word out of a person’s mouth or trust any of their actions. I push every person in my life away because then it’s only me hurting myself. I worry about every aspect of any relationship I have with someone. I will go digging into their life as in snooping on their social accounts and try to find things to prove I will get hurt. I make the slightest good turn into something negative or worst case scenario. I sabotage every aspect of my own life because I let all that I am get destroyed by those who was soulless. I get stupidly attached yet have abandonment issues like no other. Constantly reassurance..
I’m currently talking to a guy via Facebook and so far we hit it off insanely great. Our past and hardship is almost identical to each other’s. Yet I find myself going through his Facebook wall hoping to find ex girlfriends or girls that he recently flirted with,talked too, or reacted to any selfies or tagged them in anything. Something to prove that I don’t deserve the smile on my face and deadly butterflies in my stomach. I find a post in September tagging his ex of 3 years saying love you while she replies love you too but both seem to have a jokingly friendly demeanor… but if he can still be that close with ex’s then I’ll end up getting my heart ripped out like I have numerous times before. Aren’t these the red flags?
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MissnonameKZ
MissnonameKZ
Last activity on 03/10/2023 at 1:26 AM
Joined in 2021
1 comment posted | 1 in the Living with anxiety and other mental illnesses group
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I’m 26 years old with 8 total relationships that have shattered every part of myself. Mentally,physically,and emotionally. Manipulation, cheating, abuse, rejection,embarrassment, each painful lesson took parts of me and ripped them from me before I ever realized I was losing who I am. The once cheerful eyes woman with a smile big enough to cover her face became toxic to not just herself but anyone that tries to come into my life. I cannot bring myself to trust a single word out of a person’s mouth or trust any of their actions. I push every person in my life away because then it’s only me hurting myself. I worry about every aspect of any relationship I have with someone. I will go digging into their life as in snooping on their social accounts and try to find things to prove I will get hurt. I make the slightest good turn into something negative or worst case scenario. I sabotage every aspect of my own life because I let all that I am get destroyed by those who was soulless. I get stupidly attached yet have abandonment issues like no other. Constantly reassurance..
I’m currently talking to a guy via Facebook and so far we hit it off insanely great. Our past and hardship is almost identical to each other’s. Yet I find myself going through his Facebook wall hoping to find ex girlfriends or girls that he recently flirted with,talked too, or reacted to any selfies or tagged them in anything. Something to prove that I don’t deserve the smile on my face and deadly butterflies in my stomach. I find a post in September tagging his ex of 3 years saying love you while she replies love you too but both seem to have a jokingly friendly demeanor… but if he can still be that close with ex’s then I’ll end up getting my heart ripped out like I have numerous times before. Aren’t these the red flags?
Please help