Calm or chaos: Where’s your mind today? 💭

My mind is on calm today

So, hey. Calm or chaotic mind. Well, I'm super jealous of anyone w a calm mind. Mine runs chaotic by nature. As an autistic, I'm constantly fighting the world & neurotypicals. Had couple rough interactions today, & what keeps mind chaotic is constant ruminations. Can't seem to quiet mind even when asleep. Of course sleep apnea is another cause of stress. Also, just picked up antibiotic, finger infection, more, a rogue hang nail. So gonna eat to avoid tummy upset. Here's hoping for a calmer mind, & looking forward to weekend. Always.

I think i am at my usual a 8 on chaos scale (self made scale)

I forgot the questions..lol, but chaos for sure..I have so much to do, at home and otherwise, responsibility overload and I'm in a shipload of pain..so nothing is getting done

That really upsets me, because I'm a very responsible person( 39 yrs a psychiatric nurse and supervisor for most of it) and sitting here in pain, knowing all I Need to do has me going bonkers.

When pain is less I get ALOT done, but my executive functioning is terrible since I haven't worked..ADHD is a true disability if you don't work with it. All I want to do is rest, also, getting over a bad bacterial infection that aggravated my Crohn's so it's a major set ack.

I keep trying to calm my anxiety down by repeating, I will get it done, just not today..but too many days have had the same mantra..I have written plans for each day, who to call, and what needs be done, so I can ✅ off..that helps me feel I'm accomplishing things .but lately, my ✅ s are for getting out of bed, washing up, cooking for my disabled daughter, and feeding/watering my pets, getting the dogs out to toilet.

It's ALOT when walking is excruciating, and I refuse to sit in my wheelchair, but, I have much more to do, and walking around is a part of succeeding in the task i pray each night to please make the pain less, but not happening..I've succeeded in calming down my Crohn's a bit, but the osteoarthritis in my hip, is seriously insane and no pill, cream, salve or patch helps. I want shots of stem cell or Hydrolonic Acid, but insurance won't pay, they'd rather pay for a hip replacement..shots are $2000-2500, surgery is over $20k.. So not going for surgery , not yet..and trying other natural means to grow back collagen, and still looking for PT to strengthen what's left of my muscles in leg, hip area and knee.

With all my responsibilities, I get overwhelmed and ADHD makes it worse, pain makes it impossible and anxiety makes me useless. Hiding in my safe place, my room..with my huge dog, feels right, and right now, that's acceptable. Patience is one thing I'm learning daily, and doing a lil better with that. Deadlines and cutoff dates frighten me but not giving myself a decent break from stress and worry, is more frightening.

It will get done..it will..in time.