Feeling like I may have anxiety and depression postpartum


Patients Postpartum depression

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I've never been diagnosed with anything but I think I have some kind of anxiety, depression, postpartum depression or all of the above. Ive had many big changes in the last year. I graduated high school, turned 18, got engaged, got pregnant, moved out of my parents house, got married, moved again, and had a baby. It has been non-stop for a year now and I have had all the big life changes and events happen in the past year. I married the love of my life and I love my baby and I'm happy I got married but I feel strange. I don't know whats going on. I think I have had these issues before everything over the past year but I never thought about it much or delt with It because I had my boyfriend, now husband, and he was my rock, but now that we're married and living together everything is different. He works nights and comes home and sleeps then right back to work and any time we spend together is with his friends or our family's and he drinks a lot on the weekends which is fine and fun and I love spending time with everyone but we have no time to ourselves, he's always having fun and I'm always watching our daughter alone. And since we live together we barely talk and when we do we fight a lot and when we fight I get a little crazy because what I think is my anxiety starts to spiral and I can't control what I say sometimes. Basically I don't know what's going on I feel alone and crazy and like he doesn't want me anymore and I have no one to talk to because he was the one I talked to about everything and talking care of a 3 month old alone is really hard and really tiring. Also since he works nights and our daughter never sleeps at night I end up sleeping during the day a lot and sometimes at night if I can get her to sleep too so I have a terrible sleep schedule. And I barely eat, I've never ate much but since I got pregnant and had my daughter I feel like I'm eating even less.  Does it sound like I'm depressed? Or am I just crazy? 

Beginning of the discussion - 6/7/21

Feeling like I may have anxiety and depression postpartum

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Hello @Raegan‍, thank you for opening this discussion and for sharing what you've been going through. It sounds like you've been through a lot in the last year and I imagine the global pandemic didn't help. Going through that many changes and big life events must have been overwhelming. Caring for a baby is a lot of work, you are truly a superwoman for doing it largely on your own! Please know you're not alone, our community is here to support you! Let me tag some other ladies here who can possibly give you some support or advice.

Hi everyone, how are you doing? What do you think about Raegan's situation? For those of you who have experienced postpartum depression and/or anxiety, can you share a bit about what that was like for you? How did you get help for it? Can you share any words of advice or support with Raegan?

Feel free to share any thoughts here, we're all here to support one another!

Take care,

Feeling like I may have anxiety and depression postpartum

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Hi Reagan, my name is Mollie and I've had perinatal depression which then turned into postpartum depression. I escaped an abusive situation during my pregnancy and am now a single mama with a 21 month old. I think it sounds like you need more support! Which with the pandemic, I know, is hard to come by. You deserve a partner who loves and supports and wants to spend time with you AND the baby and who will equally help with the baby. I don't have enough info to come to any conclusions but when you say "when we get into arguments and I get a little crazy" that sends a signal to me. Does he tell you that? My ex fiancee was extremely manipulative and gaslit me to the point that I DID think I was crazy and I must be driving him to do all the things he did. You are NOT crazy. You are NOT alone. I'm sure it is extremely frustrating and isolating to do it all by yourself when he is there, but not THERE. I don't think you are being unreasonable to be wanting to spend time or asking him for help. I remember the fourth trimester well. Those first months after the baby is here, are so rough. You have just birthed a beautiful human, you have birthed yourself(again as a new mother. Look up matrescence.), you are sleep deprived and exhausted. I remember just wanting to drive away. Not because I didn't love my baby or want to be a mama, but because I was so beyond the point of exhausted I couldn't think straight. I felt like I would never sleep again. (You do!) It really felt like I was drowning. I remember the intrusive thoughts were so loud in my mind. When I did have a moment to sleep, I was too worried about him not breathing or googling different symptoms or things I thought I needed to do, making to do lists in my mind, trying to juggle all the tasks I needed to do to keep my household running while also keeping another human being alive. It can be so overwhelming! There are SO many medications now that can help and are compatible with breastfeeding(if you are). I also see a therapist once a week through telehealth. She specializes in PTSD and it has honestly been a lifesaver. Talking to a third person who is there to help and support and listen to you was so helpful for me. I didn't even realize how bad my situation was until I talked to a third party(her) who was trained and educated enough to see the things I couldn't at that time. She helped me with a safety plan to get out and then when I was in the thick of PPD, she helped me learn how to let go of all those worries and be more present. I use this free app called Insight Timer and it has tons of sleep tracks and guided sleep stories I can put on to help tune out the noise of my mind to actually sleep when the baby sleeps. Reaching out to friends and family helped me so much too. I felt like such a burden and like why couldn't I figure out this motherhood thing. But doing it alone(which is sounds like you are) is not the way it is meant to be. There is a reason they have that saying 'It takes a village' because it takes a village to not only raise a child but to SUPPORT the mother. Sorry is this is word vomit and all over the place. But I am here for you, and here if you want to talk at all. Sending you so much love from here. YOU ARE DOING A GOOD JOB!!!!! <3 

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