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Patients Depression

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Member Carenity
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It’s been awhile since I’ve contacted. Been struggling still but trying hard to improve. Found a couple of friends helping me. One friend is a guy who I call red and he calls me blue. It’s a nickname we have since 5th grade. Problem is  I think he may be in love with me. And I’m in a relationship with someone else. I don’t want to hurt him and I love him like he is my brother/friend. I really do care about him. And he’s been struggling with a lot and doesn’t want to die alone. He wants a wife. But I fear it’s me hes waiting for and doesn’t give any other girl a chance. This is bugging me because late at night we were talking and he was there to listen and he said he loves me. I didn’t know how to react. And while I kept talking to him I almost called him my boyfriends name a few times. When he relized I was with someone, I think it hurt him. And idk what to do. I feel very confused because I want him to be happy and not hurting but it hurts me to think that I did hurt him and I don’t want to nor did I mean to. Idk how to handle this and I definitely do not want to lose my friendship with him 

Beginning of the discussion - 3/27/19

Friend loves me but I do not want to hurt him
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Member Carenity
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Hi @Hidden username‍ 

How does your boyfriend feel about your friendship with Red? Are you still in love with your boyfriend? If so, I would recommend talking to your boyfriend about needing the support you were seeking from Red. I just mean, I think relationships hit rocky points when one person is looking for something that they feel they are not receiving form their significant other from someone else. I do not mind to offer harsh advice, but I am seriously trying to help.

Friend loves me but I do not want to hurt him
Member Carenity
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@Hidden username‍ 

My boyfriend is perfectly fine with my friendship with my friend. He’s knows that Red is like my brother and nothing more. 

Friend loves me but I do not want to hurt him
Member Carenity
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@Hidden username‍ 

im sorry for the multiple reply’s. My phone glitches so I kept hitting the send button cuz it wasn’t showing that it sent. I just realized it. My Boyfriend and I are very serious and want to get married. I just feel like Red still is Inlove with me and I was afraid to hurt his feelings or make him feel like an idiot for loving me when I love someone else. I went to Red because I was feeling extremely depressed and my boyfriend and I got into a fight and I was feeling suicidle from everything that’s been going on in life and I knew that I should of went to a friend cuz my boyfriend doesn’t get it and would tell me to calm down and will hang up then would call back after awhile. Sometimes we all need a friend to talk to or go to. And I didn’t think Red loves more like a sister u till he told me he did. That’s where everything got messy because I can’t tell if he ment more or not and I didn’t and don’t want him hurting. He knows I’m in a relationship but probably seemed like he forgot so I told him again. My boyfriend has known about Red for  7 years. As for Red I’m not sure what the thought or knew anymore. When he told me he loves me I can’t tell if it was because he got scared I would vanish or if he ment more. That’s whats giving me anxiety because I know he use to in the past. And I Got this weird feeling that he does but hides it. My boyfriend has hard time understanding suicide and depression and eating disorders. So when I try to tell him or I end up saying stupid stuff he will just either support it or tell me to calm down and hang up and call me back later.  He’s just got to understand that me being raped is not something I find to be a joking matter when he use to crack jokes about it. Cuz he didn’t know how to handle it. Maybe cuz it always bothered him that he would not be the first, if you got my drift. He knew it wasn’t funny but idk what he was thinking. Guys are so difficult to understand. Anyways so I went to a friend for help when I needed it. But now I’m just full of anxiety.